early resolutions

My heart sank when I clicked the fund transfer button to my friend as she helped me change USD for our upcoming trip. This is my most expensive trip to date and it is going to take months to bring the bank balance back to a healthy level. :(

I don't usually do this but...

New year resolution #1

I need to spend less and start saving, like from this month's pay onwards.

New year resolution #2

To maintain double digit figure for my credit card bills...haha, like is this even possible but I'll try...from Feb 08 onwards cos my Jan 09 bills will just be as disgusting. Actually it's possible, I'll just lock my cards at home.

Crappy weekend

I didn't realise my Dec 2nd post was my 200th entry. Oh erm well, happy 201st then.

I did my last minute shopping at Mango end-of-season sale today for my upcoming trip. I needed more cardigans....so now I'm more or less winter-equipped (I hope). Else I'll just pile on the layers. And why is it that I always have to spend money before going on holiday. Sigh. I'm like soooooooo very broke.

Besides being BROKE, I'm also very dead in terms of my work progress. After being bombarded with review points from the previous nightmare, I ended up with alarmingly, little time to wrap up on the BKK job.

Intended to start on it this weekend but I fell sick on Saturday..as in really bad headache, feverish with wobbly legs and so I had to take medication and lie in bed for the whole afternoon. Wanted to do the shopping on Sat then work through my Sunday. And well my Sunday's almost over and yours truly just sat down to do her documentations. Sigh.

When I rather be watching East of Eden or that hilarious Miss No-Good. AHhhhh..buck up, buck up and maybe you can watch one miserable episode later.

embroiled in political frenzy

I find it quite comical now after our early week frenzy about whether we can get back home via u-tapao/phuket/chiangmai etc, the protest is gonna end officially tomorrow after the court gave its ruling.

Which means there is a chance we might not have to travel to the far-flung military airport.

And leave the service apartment at unearthly 3-4am.

It's quite interesting actually to see how things progress (minus the frustration of not knowing if one can get home) when usually I'll be nonchalant towards this if I'm back at home. Now I'm fully updated with bkk political changes as well as the latest mumbai updates due to my constant refreshing of channelnewsasia.

I've got 101 things to do back in the apartment and I feel so un-motivated. I have been feeling un-motivated for the past 2.5 weeks. I just want to go homeeeee. I feel as if I'm hardly home. Even when I'm on leave, I'll be flying somewhere for my vacation. Yeah just take a look at my upcoming Dec schedule - 20 - 31 Dec --> out-of-town Vacation and then 4th Jan off to vietnam for work for another THREE weeks. Urgh. When I return, it'll be CNY.

Where got time to buy new clothes?!

Stranded and uncertain

It's less than a week to my scheduled departure and the company has not given any indication if they will make arrangements for alternative routes, i.e. using the U-tapao airport. The last known email they sent out early last week was still that dratted "We are monitoring the situation to see if we can send XXX down this Sunday." What about sending us home?

Although we are far from the drama that's contained elsewhere in the country but the fact remains, there are almost 100,000 foreigners being stranded and this figure is bound to snowball if the international airport remains closed. It's not only about being safe, it's about getting home too, as planned, on 5 December.

I'm just kinda disgusted by the way my company seems to be handling this. I'll see if there are updates from them on Monday cos the longer it drags, the dimmer my chance of getting back on Friday.

And it sickens me too that the assistant manager on site with us is going along with the flow and keeping quiet. He even expressed that he doesn't mind staying here over the long weekend next week.

Well you can stay here yourself while I'm going home, even if I have to take an overnight train to cross the borders over to Laos in order to get on a flight back home- another possible alternative suggested by friend.

The news yesterday on the death of the Singaporean hostage in Mumbai sent chills down my spine. Just 2 months ago, we sent a team down for close to 3 weeks in Mumbai and there are 2-3 India jobs lined up in 2009. Honestly I'm freaked out. Never mind about the monitoring the whole situation shit as my co loves to put it before they happily send you over to these places and then leave you to your own devices. You won't know when these things will strike. The world is really fucked up at the moment. Shit happens anytime, anywhere in fact, it depends on whether if you are just plain unlucky.

I'm tired. I want my vacation in December. I hope I can get back in time for my vacation, which I'm pretty sure should be able to....I can't be holed up here till xmas right? Anyway the stupid co won't pay for our living expenses here for that long.

Currently blogging from my service apartment lobby as housekeeping tidies up my room....they should be done now. Going up now..

stuck in bangkok

SIA cancels all flights to and from Bangkok.

I still have more than a week left in Bangkok. I hope the tension eases and the airport opens by then.

Else I'm stuck! Hello Chiangmai, Phuket?

Especially sucky when the company is more concerned about IF they can send one more person to bkk rather than looking into IF the rest of us here can GO back.

i wanna go home

Why am I always falling sick overseas?

On working trips somemore and that is double the misery.

And my spate of bad luck continues. My work laptop blue screened me without fail every night in Bangkok. It's like an automatic timer which tells the laptop to eat shit and die at night but miraculously it would be up and running the next day in office. I was so 'fraid no one would believe this (of why I couldn't work at night) that I even videotaped the whole blue screen process on my camera.

My linguine al pesto and pumpkin soup just arrived. Yeah I have been eating in the service apartment for most of the nights. Been eating IN for lunch in that small cramped room over at the auditee's. Damn sian, gonna get zi bi zheng very soon.

Alritey, dinner time and back to my pathetic streaming of East of Eden on youku.

expressionless

I have been feeing rather anti-social of late. Be it online or off.

And the last thing I want is probably to attend a wedding later this evening. A colleague's wedding actually, he's nice and all although I have only known him for barely six months. It's not about his wedding, it's about meeting & mingling with people at functions like that and I have absolutely no mood for that.

Blame it on pre-travel blues.

I have been rather pissed off that the bangkok assignment was switched at the last minute to another bangkok assignment. Was looking forward to the initial project as the team was fun but shit happens, not that the current team ain't nice....nice but serious people (read: late nights ahead). The timeline is ridiculous again and the workload impossible. Same scenario as the NZ job, perhaps worse as the junior staff there can hardly speak English. :(

hatesmanufacturingjobs.

That sums up my very serious blues that till now I have not packed a single thing into my luggage.

S-I-A-N!

Random thoughts from Taipei

The puppies in Taipei are dirt cheap.

A maltese costs NT$7,000 (approx S$325) and a brown toy poodle, NT$10,200 (S$474).

I can easily buy back 3-4 pups. Yeah, if only I live here.

This is not relevant to pups but I realise the texture of my hair feels better here too. I was too stressed/miserable in NZ to notice if there's any difference in hair texture. More reason to want to make a permanent move to my second home. ;)

Lastly I pride myself for spending only 50% of the money I changed and with only one full day left in Taipei. Lest you think I changed alot and 50% may be material, nope I changed less than a grand. :) I practically had zero savings in the last couple of months due to Lasik, new phone and I duno wat else...the credit card bills spell 'em all. So I really have to curb my spendings.

Maybe I should start saving up for a puppy.

黑武士

I remember blogging before that bad things come in triplets but I'm too lazy to go hunt down that particular entry.

Anyway my triple bad luck has struck again, this time with my electronic gadgets.

#1 External hard disk (barely a few months old and still fresh from comex)
#2 Ipod remote control
#3 Handphone

Yes, they have all failed me in one way or another or totally died. #1 is totally dead. #2 is insensitive to song skipping and #3 ..... let's say I can only punch in numbers and nothing else. Please don't be surprised if I can't return your sms-es.

Arghhh..

Anyway, plugging another new song...黑武士 by JJ Lin.

有了天空 為何世界 還有 地心引力有了希望
為何絕望 還是 如影隨形
有了勇氣 就讓哭泣 埋葬過去
去寫一種歷史 名字叫奇蹟
如果恐懼就像火炬 那就讓它沸騰我血液帶到我絕地 喔
我才能完全 覺醒
在黑暗 的對面 是光明
光明 後面 是陰影
正義 邪惡 是誰 有權定義
在命運 的前面 我懷疑
在面具後面 鐵一般決心
光榮的犧牲 也是種榮譽不

怕人說 不要人懂 我要證明
明天我的姓名 將會是傳奇如果恐懼就像火炬 那就讓它沸騰我血液
帶到我絕地 喔
我才能完全 覺醒

Oh and 醉赤壁 is nice too...very jay-ish and well the lyricist's 方文山. Figures.

落葉堆積了好幾層 而我踩過青春
聽見 前世誰在淚語紛紛
一次緣份結一次繩 我今生還在等
一世 就只能有一次的 認真
確認過眼神 我遇上對的人
我揮劍轉身 而鮮血如紅唇 前朝記憶渡紅塵
傷人的不是刀刃 是妳轉世而來的魂

sniffy

My eyes are blurry and tearing. My nose is running. I can't stop sneezing.

SO much for wanting to enjoy my so-called last peaceful weekend before all the shit comes in and the evil manager starts reviewing the NZ assignment. And I have to fall sick and ended up having to lie in bed for most of the afternoon and I can't even sleep! I was awake and in a delirious state. Couldn't sleep well last nght too cos throat was hurting so much. :(

Sigh.

Usually the week before I go on leave would be the most unbearable and now I'm kick starting the week with a runny nose. Brilliant, isn't it.

And jaychouwillbeinchinahavingconcerttheweeki'mintw.....

Coming home

I feel like going to bed now and waking up in the middle of the night to do my packing.

It's not so much about stuffing the clothes into the suit case...it's sorting those CYAs that might just exceed my baggage allowance for having to carry them back.

I have been waking up in the middle of the night consecutively to work. It'll be like I return to my apartment, work an hour and a half before my brain goes into standby mode and I have to go to bed for a couple of hours before I force myself up again to continue.

And that totally sucks.

Oh well I'm coming home now. And the thing I'll miss most is the climate. As much as I look forward to going home, I sure as hell don't miss the shitty weather back home.

NZ is a good place to fulfill my farmer dream.

只剩下鋼琴陪我站在這裡

I typed an entry earlier but I'm not going to publish it cos it's too depressing.

Anyway I kinda like the jay-chou infused new track by SHE - 安靜了 where it made use of Jay's lyrics from 安靜 as well as the starting tune of 安靜 to create a brand new track. And well, 作曲：周杰倫 (naturally).

只剩下鋼琴陪我站在這裡
夢想中屬於我們的婚禮
卻成了 單人結婚進行曲
在這場愛情角力的拔河裡
愛我還是愛你 你選擇了自己

撒嬌的 可愛的 黏人的 愛哭的 照片裡 曾經的都是你喜歡的
如今我還在原地 你卻走回你的記憶

你說我愛你太多 就快要把你淹沒
你害怕幸福短暫一秒就崩落
分開是一種解脫 讓你好好的想過
我想要的那片天空 你是不是能夠給我

你說我給你太多 卻不能給我什麼
分不清激情 承諾 永恆或迷惑
愛情是一道傷口 我們各自苦痛
沉默是我最後溫柔 是因為我太愛你



只剩下鋼琴陪我站在這裡
夢想中屬於我們的婚禮 安靜了 在我枕邊的夢裡
我知道相愛原本就不容易
愛不是1加1 努力就有結局

撒嬌的 可愛的 黏人的 愛哭的 照片裡 曾經的都是愛著你的
臉頰的淚還溫熱 卻沒有人握我的手

你說我愛你太多 就快要把你淹沒
你害怕幸福短暫一秒就崩落
分開是一種解脫 讓你好好的想過
我想要的那片天空 你是不是能夠給我

你說我給你太多 卻不能給我什麼
分不清激情 承諾 永恆或迷惑
愛情是一道傷口 我們各自苦痛
沉默是我最後溫柔 是因為我太愛你

Can't wait for his new album in October.

sick in auckland

I could be at New Zealand under better circumstances.

I'm freezing my ass now in my suite and nursing a sore throat. This sore throat could evolve into a full-blown cough and the chilly wind here is only going to make it worse.

Sigh.

I doubt I'll get out of this alive (the work bit).

I had planned on blogging more but I'm too cold and sick at the moment.

And because I couldn't care less about this trip, I FORGOT to bring my camera usb cable...great, can't even do anything with those pics I took.

Growing up

You know there are neighbours you practically grew up with but never exchanged a single word nor the slightest form of acknowledgement?

There was this girl who stayed in the same block as me. She stayed on the 9th floor, me on the 13th. I suspected we were from the same primary school but my poor memory can't confirm that. I think she was a year older than me.

Secondary School
We were often in the same lift during our secondary school days in the mornings. Lift stopping on the 9th floor, she getting on and me pressing the lift door shut.

Junior College
Same scenario as above.

University
Same scenario as above. Despite the more flexi uni hours, we still saw each other in the lift in the mornings. Note: We were never in the same school from Sec - Uni.

Working
I saw her often in the lift, nicely made up in her nicely pressed blouse, pencil thin skirt, LV bag and stilettos. While I stood clumsily beside her with my laptop bag.

I was still running into her in the lift last year but stopped seeing her around this year. And just this morning, I ran into her while I was out getting groceries with my parents. I almost couldn't recognise her till my mom pointed out. My mother knew her mother although we were never friends (not even hi-bye/nod-head lift aquaintances). We were just random people in the lift.

She must be 7 or 8 months along in her pregnancy, waddling slowly in Guardian, her hair down, bespectacled and sans make-up. I didn't even know she got married (well naturally, since we didn't know each other) and here she is, about to embark on the next stage of her life - motherhood.

At the end of the day, it's all about growing up. Stages of life that one had to go through although I'm still at stage 2 (stage 1: school, stage 2: work....) and probably gonna remain at this stage forever. Cliche it may seem but lately, from facebook, I have seen so many people of my age getting engaged, married and having kids even (i.e the neighbour in my entry). All these seemed pretty far off to me, yeah as I embrace my impending spinsterhood. lol.

Overheating baby

Sony recalls Vaio laptops for possible overheating

And yeah, suey enough, my laptop model is the overheating TZ series.

The stupid site addy that Straits Times provided is inaccessible. Looks like I have to bring lappy down to the service centre to have a look.

Edit: And so my lappy is hospitalised and probably won't be back after I'm gone. Thanks Sony.

HELLO PRESBYOPIA!

Blogger ate my entry and now I have to re-type the whole thing. Okay in point form then.

1)I'm LASIKED.

2) Surprisingly, I had not much of the stinging sensation and neither did I tear. I just couldn't open my eye wide after that.

3) So I popped the pill and went straight to bed and slept for four hours.

4) Now I'm awake, and feeling abit painful cos the suction tingy left a blood clot on left eye which the doctor assured will go away soon.

5) My vision is slightly sharper now. Was misty immediately after the op. But close-up ocjects are kinda blurry to me. Faroff objects are fine. Oh shit, did I just kena Presbyopia?! Goodbye shortsightedness/astig, HELLO LAOHUAYAN!

Managed to get a day off on Monday as well.... :D but i still have to get my ass down to complete some work on Sun night as I don't really have many days left before jetting off to NZ --> nightmare.

Edit: On an irrelevant note and because I like remembering stupid dates, this is the official one year after someone called me by my name and made me realise that yeah, he does know my name. Sniff.

Freaking out

There are better things to worry about than being Ugly Betty.

I decided to go re-read Joyce's account of her lasik op back in May 2007 and I can feel myself freaking out this very moment, even though the op is still some 4 days away.

1) Suction. What suction??!! okay I haven't watched no video..and have no idea what this is supposed to be, other than it being really uncomfortable.

2) You mean you're actually aware when the flap is being cut open?! oh my, can someone just knock me unconscious please and then pry my eyes open for the op.

3) Flipping flap open. This sounds gross.

4) Eyes stinging like hell after that.

I'm scared.

ugly betty and serious inferiority complex

I do feel alot like Ugly Betty now, minus the braces.

Due to my upcoming Lasik, I have been dutifully wearing glasses for the past 2 weeks. And when I went out during weekends, I have been praying hard not to meet friends on the streets due to my frumpy bespectacled look. But y'know, Sg is small and I have already met a couple of people that I know, one of whom passed an insensitive remark saying I look weird, yeah like I know full well, thank you very much. And just yesterday, I ran into a uni friend with his girlfriend and his girlfriend was positively glowing with her newly dyed red hair. There was an awkward silence between me and her after I have made the usual small chat with my friend. Then she opened her mouth and asked, "You cut your hair?" I just happened to go for a trim the day before and had gotten bangs. Personally bangs are all right when I'm not wearing glasses but I believe I can look really retarded - bangs + glasses. I know her question was being polite and all but I also know I looked retarded and that added a deeper dent to my inferiority complex. I had very light make-up on yesterday and it was as good as none.....so...sans-makeup, frumpy spectacles and retarded hairstyle...I really should just stay off the streets and lock myself at home.

But I have arranged with a friend to head down to Comex later, arghhh let's just hope I don't run into people I know, again.

edit: I didn't!!! yay. :D but comex was disgustingly crowded as usual and I actually got LOST and didn't know where my nearest exit was. The 320g hard disk was a good buy though. Anyway I spent loads this weekend, totally lost track of the amount of things I bought. Great. I better cure myself of this senseless shopaholic disease.

shit happens

Suey is indeed my middle name. I have never thought of myself as particularly lucky before, in fact good things never happen to me, only bad things do. Even if things seem smooth sailing initially, it's only a fucking illusion.

Stay-in Saturday in Shenzhen!

I'm currently bumming around in the hotel room. Procrastinating at the sight of the shitload worth of work but I'll still have to drag my ass to worn on it somehow. Else the reason for staying in today will be totally defeated.

My colleagues are going shopping at the Luo Hu place later and I have decided to give that a miss. To rest (and work). Besides Luo Hu is famous for rip-offs of designer brands, well I rather go brand-less than get a rip-off. Yeah, so no need for that and I really dread the crowd+sweat, so staying in would be a better option. However, one of the SZ staff here is gonna bring us to Hua Qiang Bei tomorrow so it won't be nice to reject his hospitality so my stay-in 2 day plan has been reduced to a day.

I know people say SZ is a nice place to shop but it really doesn't appeal to me and current expenditure to date is still a cup of Mac Cuppuccino. Lol. Whatever happened to the Shopping Queen?

Shall catch the first episode of the newest jap drama Seigi No Mikata starring one of my favourites Mukai Osamu, (Honey & Clover's Mayama..ooooooh..that's where I fell in love). Haha, then work later. BLEAH.

Work stinks!

long entry, finally

So this is my maiden trip to China, well Shenzhen to be specific and I must say I'm not liking it very much. And reaffirms my decision (before and now) to never consider China as part of my holiday plans and so I will only come here for work.

Reasons in point form:

1) The CROWD at the subway, be it queueing for single trip tickets/topping up of their EZlink equivalent or getting into the train. It is complete madness. And this is only like one station and 0.000000001% of the SZ population. The subway situation at Taipei or HK is waay better. I mean, it's complete heaven over there.

2) Summer. Meaning the weather is hot, stuffy, sticky...and everywhere I go, I had to take note not to take in deep breath or rather holding my breath would be better....as I'm smelling sweaty bodies everywhere. And that sweat stench is totally nauseating. I need sour plums to prevent myself from throwing up. Serious.

3) Supposedly cheap and good shopping but with Points 1 & 2 above, my shopping was pretty much affected. It was so crowded everywhere and every other stall pretty much sells the same stuff. Basically nothing appealing although the prices are friendly. The clothes are mostly teeny bopper type of stuff and the shoes although colourful are just well, normal and nothing caught my fancy. Besides I have too many pairs of shoes (some brand new and in boxes) at home and I really shouldn't add anymore to the collection unless any particular pair calls out "Buy Me" which I haven't seen any.

I would probably have more reasons to add on to the above once I commence field work proper. I don't even know my accounting terms in Chinese, brilliant. And 2 weeks to complete a shitload of work. This job is my true test to see if I'm really cut out for this, in terms of time management and ability to identify issues/documentations etc. I can't say I'm not enjoying what I'm doing, I like it but sigh, I wish there is more time allocated. Same problem as external audit.

Maybe I'll be entertaining you (my very few readers) with more entries from SZ if I haven't died from the job.

And the reason why I haven't blogged much in Singapore after the HK trip is cos half the time I was too caught up with Cabal-ing. *Sheepish look* But the game is really interesting, way better than maplestory which I have stopped ever since a long time ago. I can't play in China though cos the server only recognises connections from Sg/M'sia. Yeah great, but I probably don't need this distraction here. Heh.

Lastly, I'm just glad there is complimentary internet access in the hotel room unlike in HK, bleah.

It's July..

I seem to be more enthusiastic about blogging when I was in Hong Kong. Oh well, I actually had the urge to blog during the past week but that urge always came about DURING working hours and by the time I reached home, that urge has fizzled and died. Read: Plain lazy. I need to first gather my thoughts, sit down with the book diary, pen a proper entry before getting back to you.

Anyway, I cried like shit today after watching 10 Promises to My Dog. Tears just started flowing on its own accord. I didn't know what came over me. I seldom cry during movies. No matter how sad, how heartwrenching, I can somehow still keep a straight face and tear ducts in control. Maybe I'm getting old and vulnerable.

愛在遺憾裡 更清晰

閉上眼睛 還能看見 你離去的痕跡
在月光下 一直找尋 那想念的身影

如果說分手 是苦痛的起點
那在終點之前 我願意再愛一遍
想要對你說的 不敢說的愛 會不會有人 可以明白

我會發著呆 然後忘記你 接著緊緊閉上眼
想著哪一天 會有人代替 讓我不再想念你

我會發著呆 然後微微笑 接著緊緊閉上眼
又想了一遍 你溫柔的臉 在我忘記之前

心裡的眼淚 模糊了視線 我已快 看不見

lalala

Blogging from the hotel lobby again at 2-ish in the morning. There was some filming going on at the counter earlier and being the typical kpo Singaporean, I had to take a closer look, you know, just in case it's some big
shot...or Alex Fong..(my last remaining favourite in HK after Edison fell into disgrace).

Anyway, it's a girl. I thought maybe some random model since they looked as if they were filming an ad for the hotel as the girl was dressed in the counter uniform. But she looks like Shirley Yeung although a tad on the short side, I thought she was taller from TV. *Shrugs* And she has a PA tagging along...

So HK is having amber rain storm now as per the Hong Kong Observatory. It was RED rainstorm earlier I think. Supposed to be bad with floodings...and I was still wandering around TST and getting myself totally wet in the heavy rain. Umbrella didn't help.

Alright it's now officially 3am and I'm the only insane person left in the lobby with the guy who's vacuuming the floor. Bahahah.

Night!

dead dead dead!!

I'm so dead.

It's almost Thursday, almost the end of the week...and I haven't done anything much! Primarily due to the HK staff having no time to entertain me, don't all these sound so familiar?

Arghhh...

And I'm so proud of myself that 3 days 2 nights later in Hong Kong, and I have only spent a grand total of S$33. Out of which S$26 relates to the octopus card meant for taking the local subway. Muahahaha.

Edit: It's starting to pour outside. Time for bed. Nites!

greetings from HK

*Waves from Hong Kong*

As expected, I have no FREE internet access back in the hotel, cept for the hotel lobby...but I'm too lazy to bring laptop down to surf/check my nonsense. Besides I doubt my chunky brick of a laptop can detect any form of wireless.

One thing about working overseas, I'm perpetually tired even though work hasn't exactly commenced proper. Maybe I'm not in tune with things yet. And being no in tune physically actually puts me at a higher risk of falling sick. Hahaha, yeah so plenty of water and fruits and try to sleep earlier at night. Besides work, there really isn't anything to stay up for (read: no internet = early nights).

The HK peeps just handed us the lift access card for use during weekends. NOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo........not surprising, the land of workaholics. Them coming back during weekends are simply the norm.

Edit @ 9.12pm: Yeah I'm blogging now from the hotel lobby. How pathetic..my colleague helped me figure out how to get the freaking wireless to work. But my battery is dropping like 30% every 5 minutes....so.....and I've got work to do. !@# Sigh. And my back hurts...(sprained back, thanks to my luggage)...

black storm in HK

Hong Kong hit by severe flooding, two feared trapped

Landslide kills two in Hong Kong

And one of the worst hit spots in the territory is at Hong Kong's International Airport at Lantau Island. The main road to the airpot was closed because of flooding. :\

The flood pictures in the Sunday Times today are not encouraging at all. :\ :\

I hope it doesn't rain too much in the next two weeks. :(

I don't foresee I'll be able to blog due to nil internet access back in hotel room, yeah..so we'll meet again 2 weeks' later (if I feel up to it to blog). Wish me luck for my first trip overseas to work.

2nd day of commercialism

ANYWAY, I didn't lose sleep on the eve of my first day in case you were wondering. I'm too immune to such stuff. Changes don't bother me too much, as yet.

I had an irresistible urge to blog this afternoon, in office no less. But since I had no choice but to contain the urge (blogger is blocked - more elab below), I can only do it now and hope I don't forget 75% of what I wanted to say.

2nd day of commercialism.

And I do have quite a few things to say/compare after having spent close to 3 years in beeg 4 environment. Preliminary and shallow assessment first as this is still only my second day at work and first week is obviously the honeymoon week, after which I'm going headlong into...(shit?). Gonna camp the coming 2 weeks in the heart of causeway bay.

1) Desk: Yes I finally have my own big desk with 3 spacious cabinets. All mine....but I see no point in personalizing the area as I won't be perpetually around in office. Yeah so I just have more room to spill my stuff and keep my barang barang. However, I'm kinda missing the crammed style of hotdesking with little arm/leg space whatever...and the gossipings/bitchings in between which will be further missed in note 2 below.

2) Quiet and alone...not exactly alone as I have two interns sitting nearby but it is still way too quiet with everybody mostly engrossed with their own work. The colleagues are nice and friendly so far but engaging in casual chats during office hours seem to be taboo.

3) Restricted access to the internet: Yes, you heard it.....NO checking of personal emails (yahoo/gmail/whatever are all banned). If the most basic is already banned and blocked, naturally other nonsense websites like facebook/myspace/ebuddy etc won't be available...and I dunno what others are blocked cos I didn't bother to check. What are Not blocked are news sites, google (search results might be blocked)...and of course that goes without saying, no msn. Hahaha, after having too much freedom online at previous workplaces, this sure takes some getting used to. Now my only mode of communication with the outside world is my office email. When not so long ago, my heart would sink at emails notification, now I brighten up at such notifications if the emails are from friends responding to my ultimate boredom.

4) No more making the effort to dress up at work (for obvious reasons).

5) No good food within walking distance. The food sucks and is expensive. I'm starting to miss the many eateries at the Raffes area.

I think I'm just simply suffering from PRB (Post Raffles Blues). It has been nearly a week since I kissed goodbye to the CBD and I'm feeling the effects now, hahaha.

Continue to feed my boredom for the rest of this week before reality strikes next week.

Edit on 4th June: I can access blogger from office! but i don't dare to blog.....

and so this is goodbye

My exit wasn't that quiet but it was still pretty low-key overall.

I finished 80% of my clearance tasks before mid-day, after which, I went for a farewell lunch with 6 of my colleagues. Just a teenie weenie bit disappointed that somebody wasn't able to turn up for the farewell lunch because the said person was on leave (and obviously can't be bothered and only did a reply-all to the lunch invitation with Regrets and his signoff). And this is how we say goodbye.....but hey wait, we didn't even say a proper goodbye last Friday. Okay, whatever, this is absolutely not important.

So the farewell lunch was a simple gathering of senior associates and 2 managers. Photo-taking in restaurant and office. Engaged in illegal activities (transferring of dramas and songs to colleagues via my ext hard disk) and almost missed the deadline for the passing of the clearance form to the HR. Had to hurriedly delete off stuff from my computer, stuffed it back into the laptop case and then lugged it down to the IT department. And finally, I say goodbye to the laptop. :) After one last round of goodbyes, I left the office shortly after 5.

Yes and so this is it.

I don't know if it has sinked in yet. The fact that I have left the firm for good. I don't exactly feel anything. Neither sad nor happy. It just doesn't feel like anything. And it scares me a little. Am I so devoid of feelings? Lol.

4 more days before I embark on the next phase - new job, new environment, new people. Yeah, I should be excited but still not feeling anything. But I'm sure maybe I'll lose sleep on the eve.

失憶 - Angela

我如何假裝我心裡不再有你

沉溺後清醒 你卻是異常的平靜

習慣慢慢失憶

這樣就能轉移自己


我發現我愛你就在這一瞬間

傾盆而下的卻是你不安的陰天

畢竟我不慷慨

我並不想害自己

Quiet exit

Second entry of the month.

Only simply cos there's nothing much to say.

On the workfront, I got bombed with a last minute job that I initially thought was pretty shitty. Think angry client+tight deadline. But it turned out to be relatively okay as the job was straightforward and the manager was a mr nice guy (heard he tendered too). In fact, I had a good last week with all the gossipings, long lunches and dinner with my soon-to-be ex colleagues. :\

A bit sad that I won't be able to attend the upcoming movie event, sigh. Deleted that email the moment it appeared in the inbox. I'm not a part of this anymore. And friend dua-ed me to go for the movie premiere but anyway still managed to grab someone to watch it with me. I didn't watch the first instalment on the big screen but rather it was a sketchy live streaming online, but I remembered liking it and also I enjoyed reading the book.

Last remaining 7 days with the firm. Just wanna get through it peacefully. I can imagine my last day as being any other day after clearance and that is to go back like any other day. Except this time, it's forever. lol. The whole world is on leave anyway, simply perfect to make a quiet exit.

freshly pressed laundry

I caught you staring and scrolling along my crossed-out schedule today. Out of the corner of my eye, I thought I saw something familiar on your screen, the empty pockets of space and that unmistakable X.

Alright so now you know (after getting to it accidentally).

I like the smell of freshly pressed laundry.

and so this is it.

At first I was feeling disgruntled, unjustified and still reeling in anger. I thought I was going to let it all out the moment the questionings begin. There is of course no hiding from the questionings from the partner, managers...etc. Peers wise, I'm not going to say more unless you are close to me.

Okay back to the unjustfied portion. I guess they really mean to NOT give any time-off in lieu for the shit job, seeing that billings are going to be finalised early this week. Minus off those senseless weekends coming back to re-do the cross-referencing/amendments+inefficiencies whatsoever, I believe there are still efficient overtime hours incurred. The manager obviously feels that we deserved it...nil OT hours and bad appraisal. Right, fuck it. To hell with all these, I'm leaving.

And the moment will come tomorrow when I finally click the deadly send button and brace myself for the rounds of questionings. Yeah, at first I was going to let it all out, but now I feel like playing dumb.

luxury bombs

First we have the Prada phone by LG.

Now, it's the Giorgio Armani phone by Samsung.

black is good

After 6 years of having coloured hair (from brunette, red head to ash blond), I have gone back to my black roots. Well..not exactly, since my natural hair colour is a wee bit on the brown side. Anyway it feels good to sport blue black hair, makes the hair looks healthier than my previous weird mix of ash blond and what not. :)

你說你會哭 不是因為在乎

So this is it. I can start counting down my days and make sure I don't look back on this decision that is worth a tidy 5 digit sum. But anyway, my morale is already beyond repair.

But why do I feel an impending sense of sadness? I guess I'm only human. Despite the bad times (very recent bad things that caused the irreversible damage), there are the good times and the nice peeps that I knew and/or worked with. This is pretty contradictory yeah, my heart is like dead, I'm so bent on it, yet now when reality sinks in, it's a different story altogether.

你說你會哭 不是因為在乎

tarot reading

What it says on the tarot reading on my facebook:

Death
This card is commonly misconstrued and does not specifically pertain to physical death. The Death card signifies change in your life brought about by the ending of a current situation and the beginning of a new one. While the card itself may be morbid, it actually represents exciting change in your life. Be prepared for new and exciting situations to develop.

Oh really. Let's hope it comes true then.

pieces of me

Weekends used to be something to look forward to (to rest primarily), but I guess not, starting from this coming Satuday. Of course it has been a long while since I had absolutely no contact with work on weekends. But at least I get to rest, in between the work bit.

This Saturday I would have to wake up early and drag myself to office. Horror. Yes. They almost wanted me to work 2nd shift on weekdays by heading back to office to clear the shit. UNNECESSARY shit I would say. Ridiculous standards set on documentation. Totally defeats the purpose of efficiency. I highly doubt I can finish the shit on Saturday but I'm not gonna make it 2 days in a row...stillhavemycurrentteaminchargeshit to worry about.

I don't really want to care anymore. I'm breaking. Into pieces.

My cab got into an accident today. My 2nd cab accident to date..the reckless driver rammed into a motorbike and caused the mac delivery driver to be flung off where he looked to be in so much pain, it was impossible to get up (hope his injuries weren't too serious). The impact was on my side, happened so fast, my associate and I didn't know how to react. The crazy driver almost wanted to beat the red light by braking abruptly amidst honks from containter trucks and buses. Can you imagine if it had been a container truck ramming into my side? Death would be a faster solution to all my misery. I shouldn't joke about shit like this, but I'm not really in a joking mood.

Alright, time for bed.

I need to quit.

let time fly please

Took a grand total of 5 taxi rides today, I think the most I ever took in a day.

From home to the depths of Jurong.
From depths of Jurong to Raffles
From Raffles to Suntec
From Suntec back to Raffles
From Raffles to home

I have a bad ulcer now, due to lack of sleep/stress etc...life still sucks. It will continue to till I say goodbye to this job which is sapping my personal life and all other things for that matters.

I'm not exactly staying for the bonus. I'm still stuck cos there is nothing out there that catches my fancy.

But one good thing that came out from the overwhelming Suntec engagement was that there's actually a cute guy in the office. ;) Yeah, but unfortunately today marks the last day that I'll ever see him.

life stinksss

My life stinks.

I'm so tired, I could just collapse and die (In fact dying seems like a better prospect). This week was the longest week ever despite starting on the new job only on Tuesday. The actual team-in-charge is flying to China for another job for THREE WHOLE WEEKS which effectively means that the shit is now my baby.

It's not exactly a straight forward job and it's fucking tedious. Throughout the last 4 days, I refused to bring work home to do and attempted to do whatever I can on site. Reason being, I probably can't claim much OT and now I seriously don't see the point of killing myself over work. However, come weekend, I still brought back quite a fair bit of shit to clear...yes, contrary to what I declared earlier. I'm on the verge of snapping...I don't know how long more I can take this. My fatigue is killing me. I'm sick and tired of all these...there is absolutely no so-called me time and there is not a single weekend that I don't have to worry/think about work. I really hate this kinda of life

...oh well, one thing's for sure, this should be the last financial peak for me. And that is something worth looking forward to. Even if I don't know what the future holds.

3 wishes

Am I supposed to have 3 wishes or what?

Suddenly am at a loss at what to wish for cos wishes never come true.

Hm, yeah I wish no..I just hope for a peaceful year ahead. Am Jinxed enough.

SICK

My immune system is really crap. After barely recovering from a cough+sore throat, I'm down with a cold now. Brilliant. And cold usually comes in a package, complete with body aches, fever and yes, the cough has made its return again.

My health has been spiralling downwards ever since late November. Was down with cold den and was (thankfully) fine and well for most of December before the flu bug hit again just before my Taipei trip. I thought I recovered in time before my trip but the flu bug returned on my 2nd night in Taipei possibly due to the sudden change in temperature. I was basically surviving on the flu panadols in Taipei while having a whooping cough at the same time.

Back home, recovered but I lost my voice after the Jay Chou concert. I didn't think it was anything to do with the concert (despite the screams+cheers but it probably contributed a little) but the chocolate fondue that followed after the concert did me in. So I lost my voice and the bad cough returned. It was a wonder that I managed to communicate with my client still. Went to see the doc and got a variety of medication ranging from antibiotics, lozenges, fever, runny nose tablets, voice+phlegm tablets to cough syrup. The cough faded after a week, I'm sorta getting my voice back and on Saturday (yesterday), I got hit by the flu bug again!!! There you have it, I don't think I'm ever getting well.

Totally moodless for CNY.

What I wish for is just plenty of sleep and rest.

My health stinks and work stinks as well (as always).

masked

Blogger ATE my latest entry! >_<

Although it was just a substance-less, bimbotic post about facial masks BUT STILL...stupid blogger not only ate my latest post but all other un-published posts as well. Well sometimes I get the urge to blog but after typing a few pathetic lines I decided not to..and the posts will just remain in draft form. Those are gone as well. Not that they were particularly important but still bottomline is, Blogger ate my posts! And that is totally unforgivable.

*grumbles*

Then I have to re-blog about the facial masks.

I must have mis-counted the packets of facial masks which I brought back from Korea last May. I counted 26 but the stock count which I did just only, revealed there were 23 packets left. OMG. Probably counted the 2 boxes when there were 8 packets in each box. So 23 roughly translates to about 6 more months of masking if I'm disciplined enough to do it on a weekly basis.

I'm not kidding when I said before that I must have brought back a lifetime supply of facial masks from Korea. Almost.

Currently masking on a lazy Wednesday afternoon. A little indulgence in between shit (peak). It's the simple things that count.

one year two months later

Fate left me breathless in Zara today. Okay fine, it was just a lousy coincidental encounter seeing that Singapore is such a bloody small place. But one year two months later, I caught sight of my dear jc crush again. :p Behaving all schoolgirlish again but he's probably the only one I ever liked to have that kind of effect on me.

I have to dig for that entry okay here it IS. That fateful November in twentyO6. And about two hours ago, he strolled past me in Ngee Ann City Zara and left me gesturing wildly to a friend (due to my inability to speak clearly cos my raspy voice hasn't healed). He was with this girl (I assume is the gf) and this other guy.

So I basically just stood rooted there with my jaw open, hands gesturing to my friend while this other crazy friend actually ran out of the store to take a closer look. LOL.

And CNY clothes shopping was a complete failure.

Shall attempt again tomorrow.

bad january

2008 has been anything but great so far.

Have already fallen ill twice in less than a month. And been feeling demoralised, insulted, dumb...the list goes on. The helpless feeling.

I'm even beginning to think that 2007 was better. Wtf and I'm not even done with January yet. Sigh.

happy new year?

First entry for the new year and yes, it's already the 13th day into 2008.

This is going to be like a totally lousy first entry, ya so I might as well don't blog..I actually prepared a "flashback of 2007" sort of entry but guess I'll put it up another day. Not today, not in the best of mood.

But I would like to believe, it is a blessing in disguise. I needed this to jolt me back to reality and I'm sure I won't lose sleep over it.