in between reality and fiction

Definition of a zombie as extracted from Wikipedia: A reanimated corpse or a mindless human being.

And that is exactly what I am now.

I haven't been updating here diligently and probably no one is checking back here anymore, which suits me just fine.

The last thing I want is probably real life confrontation on what's going on. I don't think I can handle any questionings unless I'm ready to tell you myself.

My life is a spectacular failure. I don't even know how on earth things can go SO WRONG. Things picked up a little and was seemingly going the way I prayed so hard and then it had to go back to square one. I was doomed for this right from the beginning.

I felt like a total zombie for the whole weekend. A zombie that surprisingly can still turn on the tear ducts as and when. I don't think real mindless corpses are capable of crying, do they?

Brought back alot of work to do, work that needs to be finished before I fly off this coming Sunday but I barely touched anything. Other than moping around or reading the Twilight series (I'm on the third book now). Bad choice for reading materials......I feel as jinxed as the female protagonist. As per this particular line in the book where the black box won't even survive if she or I get into a planecrash. Or maybe I'll get infected with H1N1 first. The chances of that are higher. However, I do not have an Edward Cullen to protect and tell me that everyting's going to be okay. Cos nothing will, and I mean this in a bitter tone.

Although Twilight is a teenage series and I'm probably too old for this but I always had this obsession for vampire tales since the Anne Rice days and my love for Armand, the forever 16 year old while I have outgrown him by 10 years now.Okay, not talking sense anymore, I need to get some work done so I'll feel less guilty but guilt doesn't count that much either when the end is already so near.

I should ban myself from wikipedia as I have accidentally read spoilers for the 4th book, damn it.

苦中作乐-ing in London

I'm going to be so utterly broke after this working trip.

Usually I don't shop that much on working trips with the exception of the Hong Kong work trip last year. But I definitely spent more than last year anyway. Bleah.

3 weekends of shopping in London + 1 weekend in Paris. I'm lucky I don't have to pay for meals and accomodation else I'm on my way to bankruptcy.

This is like so 苦中作乐. Yes, I'm still working. This is no holiday.

Lost touch

Something tells me that I haven't taken the MRT for a long time when I saw to my surprise (today) that Boon Lay was not longer the terminal station of the west bound line but Joo Koon. Wherever the hell that is and I thought it's some station that is connected or near to NTU, well apparently not.

ALL holed up once more

I'm showing symptoms of depression.

It helped abit that I was able to get it all out to a friend last Friday.

Bottling up and holing oneself up at home sure didn't seem like a good solution.

However I'm still depressed and totally dreading tomorrow.

Why on earth did I let an irritant get to me so much?

I wished I don't ever have to see him again, or make him disappear from my sight.

I don't wish to work with him ever again.

I wish I can just ask him to fuck off.

I'm so glad it's a short week. Only 4 days.

C'mon girl, you can stomach this. 4 days plus another week more and you'll be off to your 2 cities, 6 apartments' worth of shit. Zillions of miles away from the living terror who will be far away in the southern hemisphere.

Impending doom

2 cities. 6 apartments. 1 corporate office. 4 weeks. And 3 of us.

How the hell are we going to finish?

Be careful what I wished for huh. I only wanted my first taste of hospitality jobs, not 6 times of it.

My knees are going weak at the thought of it.

9 years ago....

Happy birthday to YOU.

Sorry that I can't wish you on FB.

I'm alive, yes.

Yeah I have disappeared for a good 1.5 months from the blogosphere and I'm in time for a end March entry, or I'll be skipping a month for my archives, and that won't look very nice.

The last 1 month had its ups and downs. Mostly downs.

1) The SH job was a horror.
2) It won't be half as horrible if I hadn't met the most irritating man on earth aka my colleague, team mate on the same job
3) Still suffering the after-effects back at home. Somebody should tell my boss to include CLEARING review points hours in her bloody budget. Or give fewer points.

Other than that, I don't remember any UPs.

Sigh and the Seoul trip I was looking forward to evaporated due to friend's last minute change of mind.

Don't ever pin hopes/happiness on fickle-minded friend.

Although I'm relieved I ain't going on leave next week due to the immensely disgusting workload.

On a brighter note, I booked my Taiwan trip, hahahahah something to look forward to despite it being a whole 2 months away. My 6th trip, I've been called a Taiwan freak. Who cares. I heart Taiwan.

Seeing that the economy is so stinkish, going Taiwan is probably the best choice since it doesn't burn deep.

grey & depressing

There is nothing aesthetic about building a full length window right beside the bathtub. So the purpose is for one to enjoy the city lights from the tub? Not when bathing obviously as the curtains would be drawn...what I am referring to is, try bathing beside a window when it's freaking 8-9 degrees and raining outside. And the window glass is not that thick loh.

The hot water did help abit but not when I was done and had to rush out in a frenzy to wrap myself in towel and get dressed asap before I freeze to death in the bathroom. Okay I'm exaggerating but the temperature might just fall to below 5 in the next few days. So, DON'T build windows beside bathtubs! Unless it's in tropical countries.

In other words, Shanghai is depressingly overcast, grey and rainy. I hate cold, wet weather. Cold, snowy weather (not snow storms) is preferred as the snow dries faster as compared to rain water on my jacket. *Misses Turkey*

I'm trying hard not to think too much about the one month that I have to stay here...

Edit:

The office has no heater. The washroom feels like a freezer.

My work desk in the hotel faces the mirror too. I'm so going to change room.

2009 has barely started and I already have one big fat regret. And that is missing Sylvia Chang's Design for Living. And yeah read: Joe Cheng.

I was informed about this play back in December and being not a very play person, I only did a half-hearted search on sistic (turned out that I should have tried the Esplanade site). I had absolutely no knowledge of when the play was going to be on in Sg. I even dismissed the search as I thought I might not be in town to catch it. So I only got to know the dates on 31st January. 31 Jan was the last day of the play and I knew about it at night!!

Yes, I'm blind to all the print/tv advertisments etc...and so I missed my chance to see HIM in the flesh. So what if the reason for this is totally fangirlish and shallow? The reviews for the play were positive too, I guess I'd have enjoyed it plus the eyecandy factor of the guy i have been oohing over since 2003 The Rose days. I can even stand his long locks then, haha.

The Taipei leg of the play is in April....and no I do not have ideas in my head. LOL. I can't even if I want to, I will be heading for another 1 month job during the same period, to a place that might bring me closer to another long-time love steven gerrard, if the schedule doesn't CHANGE. and I survive shanghai first.

I'm just as dysfunctional as last week as the holiday mood continues. How I wish chu san is a holiday! I try not to take leave as my leave are strictly to be used (as far as possible) on vacations and not for nua-ing at home.

But boy am I glad that I did not have to work during the CNY long weekend. First time in 3 freaking years! The first year I completely skipped all the bai-nian to slog at home. For the 2nd and 3rd year thereafter, I decided to commence work only on the 2nd day of the lunar new year and gave myself a break on chuyi.

I'm glad that is all over now. :)

Yeah be thankful for all the little things.

I'm so damn sleepy now thanks to some drunkards, both men and women, who were making a racket near my void deck in the wee hours of the morning. Arghhhhh.

I'm completely dysfunctional at work this week. Not that I hope for a bomb to rain down in order to wake me up from this stupor. Maybe I'm already in a holiday mood or just plain tired, after having been away from home for one whole month. And just semi-recovered from a battered self esteem. This is self-induced but I'll live with it.

So for the next few weeks, I hope to meet up with as many friends as possible before heading over to camp at Shanghai. Thank goodness it's Shanghai but sadly, I have a couple of 1 month 3rd world countries jobs coming up...I might just go mad there.

I hope the schedule changesssss!

Happy 2009!

IthinkImaynotbeabletogohomeasscheduledthisfriday.

Due to some unforeseen circumstances.

I'm missing home so much. I hardly had chance to catch my breath after my Turkey winter wonderland and then I had to jet off to HCMC. Initially I was quite happy that it's only a 2 week assignment but now horror, it's gonna extend over 2 weeks and there goes my weekend. I thought I could finally sleep in or do some catching up with friends before the CNY. And then it's less than one month in SG before I jet off to Shanghai for a WHOLE month. Gulps.

There you have it, I'm hardly at home and I do wish for some local assignments so that SG would stop feeling so much like a resort and more like home.

I'll just pen a few lines on my 2008 since there's no time nor mood for a long reflection.

First half of the year was spent in Company A where I had my third and last financial peak as an extern@l @uditor. Haha and this is about the only thing that I don't miss. Other than that I had my good moments in the company and got to know some really nice people. But then again, my hectic flying around don't give me much chance to catch up with the handful of them. :(

The pace in Company B is slightly slower and I mean only slightly cos the stress level is still high and the amount of work just as crushing. But I get fewer emails than I was in Company A and that was the first real difference I noted. Hahaha.

Other notable random things from 08:

I travelled to 6 countries in the second half of the year. In chronological order: Hong Kong, Shenzhen, New Zealand, Taiwan, Thailand and Turkey. Out of which, Taiwan (Taipei) and Turkey were my own vacations.

I added my jc crush, last mentioned in here, more than six months ago on facebook. And he didn't acknowledge the friend request and I totally regretted it as I felt silly and wished there was an option to un-do the whole add as friend thingy. And than my jaw dropped when he actually accepted the friend's request on December 23rd. That was one 见鬼 incident on facebook. Lol. Haha good, now I can kpo on my past crushes on facebook.

Okay that's about it for 08. In summary, it was quite a shitty year but we can leave out the shit since elaborations are in previous entries ;).

Let's hope 09 be a better year despite the stinky economy.

early resolutions

My heart sank when I clicked the fund transfer button to my friend as she helped me change USD for our upcoming trip. This is my most expensive trip to date and it is going to take months to bring the bank balance back to a healthy level. :(

I don't usually do this but...

New year resolution #1

I need to spend less and start saving, like from this month's pay onwards.

New year resolution #2

To maintain double digit figure for my credit card bills...haha, like is this even possible but I'll try...from Feb 08 onwards cos my Jan 09 bills will just be as disgusting. Actually it's possible, I'll just lock my cards at home.

Crappy weekend

I didn't realise my Dec 2nd post was my 200th entry. Oh erm well, happy 201st then.

I did my last minute shopping at Mango end-of-season sale today for my upcoming trip. I needed more cardigans....so now I'm more or less winter-equipped (I hope). Else I'll just pile on the layers. And why is it that I always have to spend money before going on holiday. Sigh. I'm like soooooooo very broke.

Besides being BROKE, I'm also very dead in terms of my work progress. After being bombarded with review points from the previous nightmare, I ended up with alarmingly, little time to wrap up on the BKK job.

Intended to start on it this weekend but I fell sick on Saturday..as in really bad headache, feverish with wobbly legs and so I had to take medication and lie in bed for the whole afternoon. Wanted to do the shopping on Sat then work through my Sunday. And well my Sunday's almost over and yours truly just sat down to do her documentations. Sigh.

When I rather be watching East of Eden or that hilarious Miss No-Good. AHhhhh..buck up, buck up and maybe you can watch one miserable episode later.

embroiled in political frenzy

I find it quite comical now after our early week frenzy about whether we can get back home via u-tapao/phuket/chiangmai etc, the protest is gonna end officially tomorrow after the court gave its ruling.

Which means there is a chance we might not have to travel to the far-flung military airport.

And leave the service apartment at unearthly 3-4am.

It's quite interesting actually to see how things progress (minus the frustration of not knowing if one can get home) when usually I'll be nonchalant towards this if I'm back at home. Now I'm fully updated with bkk political changes as well as the latest mumbai updates due to my constant refreshing of channelnewsasia.

I've got 101 things to do back in the apartment and I feel so un-motivated. I have been feeling un-motivated for the past 2.5 weeks. I just want to go homeeeee. I feel as if I'm hardly home. Even when I'm on leave, I'll be flying somewhere for my vacation. Yeah just take a look at my upcoming Dec schedule - 20 - 31 Dec --> out-of-town Vacation and then 4th Jan off to vietnam for work for another THREE weeks. Urgh. When I return, it'll be CNY.

Where got time to buy new clothes?!

Stranded and uncertain

It's less than a week to my scheduled departure and the company has not given any indication if they will make arrangements for alternative routes, i.e. using the U-tapao airport. The last known email they sent out early last week was still that dratted "We are monitoring the situation to see if we can send XXX down this Sunday." What about sending us home?

Although we are far from the drama that's contained elsewhere in the country but the fact remains, there are almost 100,000 foreigners being stranded and this figure is bound to snowball if the international airport remains closed. It's not only about being safe, it's about getting home too, as planned, on 5 December.

I'm just kinda disgusted by the way my company seems to be handling this. I'll see if there are updates from them on Monday cos the longer it drags, the dimmer my chance of getting back on Friday.

And it sickens me too that the assistant manager on site with us is going along with the flow and keeping quiet. He even expressed that he doesn't mind staying here over the long weekend next week.

Well you can stay here yourself while I'm going home, even if I have to take an overnight train to cross the borders over to Laos in order to get on a flight back home- another possible alternative suggested by friend.

The news yesterday on the death of the Singaporean hostage in Mumbai sent chills down my spine. Just 2 months ago, we sent a team down for close to 3 weeks in Mumbai and there are 2-3 India jobs lined up in 2009. Honestly I'm freaked out. Never mind about the monitoring the whole situation shit as my co loves to put it before they happily send you over to these places and then leave you to your own devices. You won't know when these things will strike. The world is really fucked up at the moment. Shit happens anytime, anywhere in fact, it depends on whether if you are just plain unlucky.

I'm tired. I want my vacation in December. I hope I can get back in time for my vacation, which I'm pretty sure should be able to....I can't be holed up here till xmas right? Anyway the stupid co won't pay for our living expenses here for that long.

Currently blogging from my service apartment lobby as housekeeping tidies up my room....they should be done now. Going up now..

stuck in bangkok

SIA cancels all flights to and from Bangkok.

I still have more than a week left in Bangkok. I hope the tension eases and the airport opens by then.

Else I'm stuck! Hello Chiangmai, Phuket?

Especially sucky when the company is more concerned about IF they can send one more person to bkk rather than looking into IF the rest of us here can GO back.

i wanna go home

Why am I always falling sick overseas?

On working trips somemore and that is double the misery.

And my spate of bad luck continues. My work laptop blue screened me without fail every night in Bangkok. It's like an automatic timer which tells the laptop to eat shit and die at night but miraculously it would be up and running the next day in office. I was so 'fraid no one would believe this (of why I couldn't work at night) that I even videotaped the whole blue screen process on my camera.

My linguine al pesto and pumpkin soup just arrived. Yeah I have been eating in the service apartment for most of the nights. Been eating IN for lunch in that small cramped room over at the auditee's. Damn sian, gonna get zi bi zheng very soon.

Alritey, dinner time and back to my pathetic streaming of East of Eden on youku.

expressionless

I have been feeing rather anti-social of late. Be it online or off.

And the last thing I want is probably to attend a wedding later this evening. A colleague's wedding actually, he's nice and all although I have only known him for barely six months. It's not about his wedding, it's about meeting & mingling with people at functions like that and I have absolutely no mood for that.

Blame it on pre-travel blues.

I have been rather pissed off that the bangkok assignment was switched at the last minute to another bangkok assignment. Was looking forward to the initial project as the team was fun but shit happens, not that the current team ain't nice....nice but serious people (read: late nights ahead). The timeline is ridiculous again and the workload impossible. Same scenario as the NZ job, perhaps worse as the junior staff there can hardly speak English. :(

hatesmanufacturingjobs.

That sums up my very serious blues that till now I have not packed a single thing into my luggage.

S-I-A-N!

Random thoughts from Taipei

The puppies in Taipei are dirt cheap.

A maltese costs NT$7,000 (approx S$325) and a brown toy poodle, NT$10,200 (S$474).

I can easily buy back 3-4 pups. Yeah, if only I live here.

This is not relevant to pups but I realise the texture of my hair feels better here too. I was too stressed/miserable in NZ to notice if there's any difference in hair texture. More reason to want to make a permanent move to my second home. ;)

Lastly I pride myself for spending only 50% of the money I changed and with only one full day left in Taipei. Lest you think I changed alot and 50% may be material, nope I changed less than a grand. :) I practically had zero savings in the last couple of months due to Lasik, new phone and I duno wat else...the credit card bills spell 'em all. So I really have to curb my spendings.

Maybe I should start saving up for a puppy.

黑武士

I remember blogging before that bad things come in triplets but I'm too lazy to go hunt down that particular entry.

Anyway my triple bad luck has struck again, this time with my electronic gadgets.

#1 External hard disk (barely a few months old and still fresh from comex)
#2 Ipod remote control
#3 Handphone

Yes, they have all failed me in one way or another or totally died. #1 is totally dead. #2 is insensitive to song skipping and #3 ..... let's say I can only punch in numbers and nothing else. Please don't be surprised if I can't return your sms-es.

Arghhh..

Anyway, plugging another new song...黑武士 by JJ Lin.

有了天空 為何世界 還有 地心引力有了希望
為何絕望 還是 如影隨形
有了勇氣 就讓哭泣 埋葬過去
去寫一種歷史 名字叫奇蹟
如果恐懼就像火炬 那就讓它沸騰我血液帶到我絕地 喔
我才能完全 覺醒
在黑暗 的對面 是光明
光明 後面 是陰影
正義 邪惡 是誰 有權定義
在命運 的前面 我懷疑
在面具後面 鐵一般決心
光榮的犧牲 也是種榮譽不

怕人說 不要人懂 我要證明
明天我的姓名 將會是傳奇如果恐懼就像火炬 那就讓它沸騰我血液
帶到我絕地 喔
我才能完全 覺醒

Oh and 醉赤壁 is nice too...very jay-ish and well the lyricist's 方文山. Figures.

落葉堆積了好幾層 而我踩過青春
聽見 前世誰在淚語紛紛
一次緣份結一次繩 我今生還在等
一世 就只能有一次的 認真
確認過眼神 我遇上對的人
我揮劍轉身 而鮮血如紅唇 前朝記憶渡紅塵
傷人的不是刀刃 是妳轉世而來的魂

sniffy

My eyes are blurry and tearing. My nose is running. I can't stop sneezing.

SO much for wanting to enjoy my so-called last peaceful weekend before all the shit comes in and the evil manager starts reviewing the NZ assignment. And I have to fall sick and ended up having to lie in bed for most of the afternoon and I can't even sleep! I was awake and in a delirious state. Couldn't sleep well last nght too cos throat was hurting so much. :(

Sigh.

Usually the week before I go on leave would be the most unbearable and now I'm kick starting the week with a runny nose. Brilliant, isn't it.

And jaychouwillbeinchinahavingconcerttheweeki'mintw.....

Coming home

I feel like going to bed now and waking up in the middle of the night to do my packing.

It's not so much about stuffing the clothes into the suit case...it's sorting those CYAs that might just exceed my baggage allowance for having to carry them back.

I have been waking up in the middle of the night consecutively to work. It'll be like I return to my apartment, work an hour and a half before my brain goes into standby mode and I have to go to bed for a couple of hours before I force myself up again to continue.

And that totally sucks.

Oh well I'm coming home now. And the thing I'll miss most is the climate. As much as I look forward to going home, I sure as hell don't miss the shitty weather back home.

NZ is a good place to fulfill my farmer dream.

只剩下鋼琴陪我站在這裡

I typed an entry earlier but I'm not going to publish it cos it's too depressing.

Anyway I kinda like the jay-chou infused new track by SHE - 安靜了 where it made use of Jay's lyrics from 安靜 as well as the starting tune of 安靜 to create a brand new track. And well, 作曲：周杰倫 (naturally).

只剩下鋼琴陪我站在這裡
夢想中屬於我們的婚禮
卻成了 單人結婚進行曲
在這場愛情角力的拔河裡
愛我還是愛你 你選擇了自己

撒嬌的 可愛的 黏人的 愛哭的 照片裡 曾經的都是你喜歡的
如今我還在原地 你卻走回你的記憶

你說我愛你太多 就快要把你淹沒
你害怕幸福短暫一秒就崩落
分開是一種解脫 讓你好好的想過
我想要的那片天空 你是不是能夠給我

你說我給你太多 卻不能給我什麼
分不清激情 承諾 永恆或迷惑
愛情是一道傷口 我們各自苦痛
沉默是我最後溫柔 是因為我太愛你



只剩下鋼琴陪我站在這裡
夢想中屬於我們的婚禮 安靜了 在我枕邊的夢裡
我知道相愛原本就不容易
愛不是1加1 努力就有結局

撒嬌的 可愛的 黏人的 愛哭的 照片裡 曾經的都是愛著你的
臉頰的淚還溫熱 卻沒有人握我的手

你說我愛你太多 就快要把你淹沒
你害怕幸福短暫一秒就崩落
分開是一種解脫 讓你好好的想過
我想要的那片天空 你是不是能夠給我

你說我給你太多 卻不能給我什麼
分不清激情 承諾 永恆或迷惑
愛情是一道傷口 我們各自苦痛
沉默是我最後溫柔 是因為我太愛你

Can't wait for his new album in October.

sick in auckland

I could be at New Zealand under better circumstances.

I'm freezing my ass now in my suite and nursing a sore throat. This sore throat could evolve into a full-blown cough and the chilly wind here is only going to make it worse.

Sigh.

I doubt I'll get out of this alive (the work bit).

I had planned on blogging more but I'm too cold and sick at the moment.

And because I couldn't care less about this trip, I FORGOT to bring my camera usb cable...great, can't even do anything with those pics I took.

Growing up

You know there are neighbours you practically grew up with but never exchanged a single word nor the slightest form of acknowledgement?

There was this girl who stayed in the same block as me. She stayed on the 9th floor, me on the 13th. I suspected we were from the same primary school but my poor memory can't confirm that. I think she was a year older than me.

Secondary School
We were often in the same lift during our secondary school days in the mornings. Lift stopping on the 9th floor, she getting on and me pressing the lift door shut.

Junior College
Same scenario as above.

University
Same scenario as above. Despite the more flexi uni hours, we still saw each other in the lift in the mornings. Note: We were never in the same school from Sec - Uni.

Working
I saw her often in the lift, nicely made up in her nicely pressed blouse, pencil thin skirt, LV bag and stilettos. While I stood clumsily beside her with my laptop bag.

I was still running into her in the lift last year but stopped seeing her around this year. And just this morning, I ran into her while I was out getting groceries with my parents. I almost couldn't recognise her till my mom pointed out. My mother knew her mother although we were never friends (not even hi-bye/nod-head lift aquaintances). We were just random people in the lift.

She must be 7 or 8 months along in her pregnancy, waddling slowly in Guardian, her hair down, bespectacled and sans make-up. I didn't even know she got married (well naturally, since we didn't know each other) and here she is, about to embark on the next stage of her life - motherhood.

At the end of the day, it's all about growing up. Stages of life that one had to go through although I'm still at stage 2 (stage 1: school, stage 2: work....) and probably gonna remain at this stage forever. Cliche it may seem but lately, from facebook, I have seen so many people of my age getting engaged, married and having kids even (i.e the neighbour in my entry). All these seemed pretty far off to me, yeah as I embrace my impending spinsterhood. lol.

Overheating baby

Sony recalls Vaio laptops for possible overheating

And yeah, suey enough, my laptop model is the overheating TZ series.

The stupid site addy that Straits Times provided is inaccessible. Looks like I have to bring lappy down to the service centre to have a look.

Edit: And so my lappy is hospitalised and probably won't be back after I'm gone. Thanks Sony.

HELLO PRESBYOPIA!

Blogger ate my entry and now I have to re-type the whole thing. Okay in point form then.

1)I'm LASIKED.

2) Surprisingly, I had not much of the stinging sensation and neither did I tear. I just couldn't open my eye wide after that.

3) So I popped the pill and went straight to bed and slept for four hours.

4) Now I'm awake, and feeling abit painful cos the suction tingy left a blood clot on left eye which the doctor assured will go away soon.

5) My vision is slightly sharper now. Was misty immediately after the op. But close-up ocjects are kinda blurry to me. Faroff objects are fine. Oh shit, did I just kena Presbyopia?! Goodbye shortsightedness/astig, HELLO LAOHUAYAN!

Managed to get a day off on Monday as well.... :D but i still have to get my ass down to complete some work on Sun night as I don't really have many days left before jetting off to NZ --> nightmare.

Edit: On an irrelevant note and because I like remembering stupid dates, this is the official one year after someone called me by my name and made me realise that yeah, he does know my name. Sniff.

Freaking out

There are better things to worry about than being Ugly Betty.

I decided to go re-read Joyce's account of her lasik op back in May 2007 and I can feel myself freaking out this very moment, even though the op is still some 4 days away.

1) Suction. What suction??!! okay I haven't watched no video..and have no idea what this is supposed to be, other than it being really uncomfortable.

2) You mean you're actually aware when the flap is being cut open?! oh my, can someone just knock me unconscious please and then pry my eyes open for the op.

3) Flipping flap open. This sounds gross.

4) Eyes stinging like hell after that.

I'm scared.

ugly betty and serious inferiority complex

I do feel alot like Ugly Betty now, minus the braces.

Due to my upcoming Lasik, I have been dutifully wearing glasses for the past 2 weeks. And when I went out during weekends, I have been praying hard not to meet friends on the streets due to my frumpy bespectacled look. But y'know, Sg is small and I have already met a couple of people that I know, one of whom passed an insensitive remark saying I look weird, yeah like I know full well, thank you very much. And just yesterday, I ran into a uni friend with his girlfriend and his girlfriend was positively glowing with her newly dyed red hair. There was an awkward silence between me and her after I have made the usual small chat with my friend. Then she opened her mouth and asked, "You cut your hair?" I just happened to go for a trim the day before and had gotten bangs. Personally bangs are all right when I'm not wearing glasses but I believe I can look really retarded - bangs + glasses. I know her question was being polite and all but I also know I looked retarded and that added a deeper dent to my inferiority complex. I had very light make-up on yesterday and it was as good as none.....so...sans-makeup, frumpy spectacles and retarded hairstyle...I really should just stay off the streets and lock myself at home.

But I have arranged with a friend to head down to Comex later, arghhh let's just hope I don't run into people I know, again.

edit: I didn't!!! yay. :D but comex was disgustingly crowded as usual and I actually got LOST and didn't know where my nearest exit was. The 320g hard disk was a good buy though. Anyway I spent loads this weekend, totally lost track of the amount of things I bought. Great. I better cure myself of this senseless shopaholic disease.

shit happens

Suey is indeed my middle name. I have never thought of myself as particularly lucky before, in fact good things never happen to me, only bad things do. Even if things seem smooth sailing initially, it's only a fucking illusion.

Stay-in Saturday in Shenzhen!

I'm currently bumming around in the hotel room. Procrastinating at the sight of the shitload worth of work but I'll still have to drag my ass to worn on it somehow. Else the reason for staying in today will be totally defeated.

My colleagues are going shopping at the Luo Hu place later and I have decided to give that a miss. To rest (and work). Besides Luo Hu is famous for rip-offs of designer brands, well I rather go brand-less than get a rip-off. Yeah, so no need for that and I really dread the crowd+sweat, so staying in would be a better option. However, one of the SZ staff here is gonna bring us to Hua Qiang Bei tomorrow so it won't be nice to reject his hospitality so my stay-in 2 day plan has been reduced to a day.

I know people say SZ is a nice place to shop but it really doesn't appeal to me and current expenditure to date is still a cup of Mac Cuppuccino. Lol. Whatever happened to the Shopping Queen?

Shall catch the first episode of the newest jap drama Seigi No Mikata starring one of my favourites Mukai Osamu, (Honey & Clover's Mayama..ooooooh..that's where I fell in love). Haha, then work later. BLEAH.

Work stinks!

long entry, finally

So this is my maiden trip to China, well Shenzhen to be specific and I must say I'm not liking it very much. And reaffirms my decision (before and now) to never consider China as part of my holiday plans and so I will only come here for work.

Reasons in point form:

1) The CROWD at the subway, be it queueing for single trip tickets/topping up of their EZlink equivalent or getting into the train. It is complete madness. And this is only like one station and 0.000000001% of the SZ population. The subway situation at Taipei or HK is waay better. I mean, it's complete heaven over there.

2) Summer. Meaning the weather is hot, stuffy, sticky...and everywhere I go, I had to take note not to take in deep breath or rather holding my breath would be better....as I'm smelling sweaty bodies everywhere. And that sweat stench is totally nauseating. I need sour plums to prevent myself from throwing up. Serious.

3) Supposedly cheap and good shopping but with Points 1 & 2 above, my shopping was pretty much affected. It was so crowded everywhere and every other stall pretty much sells the same stuff. Basically nothing appealing although the prices are friendly. The clothes are mostly teeny bopper type of stuff and the shoes although colourful are just well, normal and nothing caught my fancy. Besides I have too many pairs of shoes (some brand new and in boxes) at home and I really shouldn't add anymore to the collection unless any particular pair calls out "Buy Me" which I haven't seen any.

I would probably have more reasons to add on to the above once I commence field work proper. I don't even know my accounting terms in Chinese, brilliant. And 2 weeks to complete a shitload of work. This job is my true test to see if I'm really cut out for this, in terms of time management and ability to identify issues/documentations etc. I can't say I'm not enjoying what I'm doing, I like it but sigh, I wish there is more time allocated. Same problem as external audit.

Maybe I'll be entertaining you (my very few readers) with more entries from SZ if I haven't died from the job.

And the reason why I haven't blogged much in Singapore after the HK trip is cos half the time I was too caught up with Cabal-ing. *Sheepish look* But the game is really interesting, way better than maplestory which I have stopped ever since a long time ago. I can't play in China though cos the server only recognises connections from Sg/M'sia. Yeah great, but I probably don't need this distraction here. Heh.

Lastly, I'm just glad there is complimentary internet access in the hotel room unlike in HK, bleah.

It's July..

I seem to be more enthusiastic about blogging when I was in Hong Kong. Oh well, I actually had the urge to blog during the past week but that urge always came about DURING working hours and by the time I reached home, that urge has fizzled and died. Read: Plain lazy. I need to first gather my thoughts, sit down with the book diary, pen a proper entry before getting back to you.

Anyway, I cried like shit today after watching 10 Promises to My Dog. Tears just started flowing on its own accord. I didn't know what came over me. I seldom cry during movies. No matter how sad, how heartwrenching, I can somehow still keep a straight face and tear ducts in control. Maybe I'm getting old and vulnerable.

愛在遺憾裡 更清晰

閉上眼睛 還能看見 你離去的痕跡
在月光下 一直找尋 那想念的身影

如果說分手 是苦痛的起點
那在終點之前 我願意再愛一遍
想要對你說的 不敢說的愛 會不會有人 可以明白

我會發著呆 然後忘記你 接著緊緊閉上眼
想著哪一天 會有人代替 讓我不再想念你

我會發著呆 然後微微笑 接著緊緊閉上眼
又想了一遍 你溫柔的臉 在我忘記之前

心裡的眼淚 模糊了視線 我已快 看不見

lalala

Blogging from the hotel lobby again at 2-ish in the morning. There was some filming going on at the counter earlier and being the typical kpo Singaporean, I had to take a closer look, you know, just in case it's some big
shot...or Alex Fong..(my last remaining favourite in HK after Edison fell into disgrace).

Anyway, it's a girl. I thought maybe some random model since they looked as if they were filming an ad for the hotel as the girl was dressed in the counter uniform. But she looks like Shirley Yeung although a tad on the short side, I thought she was taller from TV. *Shrugs* And she has a PA tagging along...

So HK is having amber rain storm now as per the Hong Kong Observatory. It was RED rainstorm earlier I think. Supposed to be bad with floodings...and I was still wandering around TST and getting myself totally wet in the heavy rain. Umbrella didn't help.

Alright it's now officially 3am and I'm the only insane person left in the lobby with the guy who's vacuuming the floor. Bahahah.

Night!

dead dead dead!!

I'm so dead.

It's almost Thursday, almost the end of the week...and I haven't done anything much! Primarily due to the HK staff having no time to entertain me, don't all these sound so familiar?

Arghhh...

And I'm so proud of myself that 3 days 2 nights later in Hong Kong, and I have only spent a grand total of S$33. Out of which S$26 relates to the octopus card meant for taking the local subway. Muahahaha.

Edit: It's starting to pour outside. Time for bed. Nites!

greetings from HK

*Waves from Hong Kong*

As expected, I have no FREE internet access back in the hotel, cept for the hotel lobby...but I'm too lazy to bring laptop down to surf/check my nonsense. Besides I doubt my chunky brick of a laptop can detect any form of wireless.

One thing about working overseas, I'm perpetually tired even though work hasn't exactly commenced proper. Maybe I'm not in tune with things yet. And being no in tune physically actually puts me at a higher risk of falling sick. Hahaha, yeah so plenty of water and fruits and try to sleep earlier at night. Besides work, there really isn't anything to stay up for (read: no internet = early nights).

The HK peeps just handed us the lift access card for use during weekends. NOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo........not surprising, the land of workaholics. Them coming back during weekends are simply the norm.

Edit @ 9.12pm: Yeah I'm blogging now from the hotel lobby. How pathetic..my colleague helped me figure out how to get the freaking wireless to work. But my battery is dropping like 30% every 5 minutes....so.....and I've got work to do. !@# Sigh. And my back hurts...(sprained back, thanks to my luggage)...

black storm in HK

Hong Kong hit by severe flooding, two feared trapped

Landslide kills two in Hong Kong

And one of the worst hit spots in the territory is at Hong Kong's International Airport at Lantau Island. The main road to the airpot was closed because of flooding. :\

The flood pictures in the Sunday Times today are not encouraging at all. :\ :\

I hope it doesn't rain too much in the next two weeks. :(

I don't foresee I'll be able to blog due to nil internet access back in hotel room, yeah..so we'll meet again 2 weeks' later (if I feel up to it to blog). Wish me luck for my first trip overseas to work.

2nd day of commercialism

ANYWAY, I didn't lose sleep on the eve of my first day in case you were wondering. I'm too immune to such stuff. Changes don't bother me too much, as yet.

I had an irresistible urge to blog this afternoon, in office no less. But since I had no choice but to contain the urge (blogger is blocked - more elab below), I can only do it now and hope I don't forget 75% of what I wanted to say.

2nd day of commercialism.

And I do have quite a few things to say/compare after having spent close to 3 years in beeg 4 environment. Preliminary and shallow assessment first as this is still only my second day at work and first week is obviously the honeymoon week, after which I'm going headlong into...(shit?). Gonna camp the coming 2 weeks in the heart of causeway bay.

1) Desk: Yes I finally have my own big desk with 3 spacious cabinets. All mine....but I see no point in personalizing the area as I won't be perpetually around in office. Yeah so I just have more room to spill my stuff and keep my barang barang. However, I'm kinda missing the crammed style of hotdesking with little arm/leg space whatever...and the gossipings/bitchings in between which will be further missed in note 2 below.

2) Quiet and alone...not exactly alone as I have two interns sitting nearby but it is still way too quiet with everybody mostly engrossed with their own work. The colleagues are nice and friendly so far but engaging in casual chats during office hours seem to be taboo.

3) Restricted access to the internet: Yes, you heard it.....NO checking of personal emails (yahoo/gmail/whatever are all banned). If the most basic is already banned and blocked, naturally other nonsense websites like facebook/myspace/ebuddy etc won't be available...and I dunno what others are blocked cos I didn't bother to check. What are Not blocked are news sites, google (search results might be blocked)...and of course that goes without saying, no msn. Hahaha, after having too much freedom online at previous workplaces, this sure takes some getting used to. Now my only mode of communication with the outside world is my office email. When not so long ago, my heart would sink at emails notification, now I brighten up at such notifications if the emails are from friends responding to my ultimate boredom.

4) No more making the effort to dress up at work (for obvious reasons).

5) No good food within walking distance. The food sucks and is expensive. I'm starting to miss the many eateries at the Raffes area.

I think I'm just simply suffering from PRB (Post Raffles Blues). It has been nearly a week since I kissed goodbye to the CBD and I'm feeling the effects now, hahaha.

Continue to feed my boredom for the rest of this week before reality strikes next week.

Edit on 4th June: I can access blogger from office! but i don't dare to blog.....

and so this is goodbye

My exit wasn't that quiet but it was still pretty low-key overall.

I finished 80% of my clearance tasks before mid-day, after which, I went for a farewell lunch with 6 of my colleagues. Just a teenie weenie bit disappointed that somebody wasn't able to turn up for the farewell lunch because the said person was on leave (and obviously can't be bothered and only did a reply-all to the lunch invitation with Regrets and his signoff). And this is how we say goodbye.....but hey wait, we didn't even say a proper goodbye last Friday. Okay, whatever, this is absolutely not important.

So the farewell lunch was a simple gathering of senior associates and 2 managers. Photo-taking in restaurant and office. Engaged in illegal activities (transferring of dramas and songs to colleagues via my ext hard disk) and almost missed the deadline for the passing of the clearance form to the HR. Had to hurriedly delete off stuff from my computer, stuffed it back into the laptop case and then lugged it down to the IT department. And finally, I say goodbye to the laptop. :) After one last round of goodbyes, I left the office shortly after 5.

Yes and so this is it.

I don't know if it has sinked in yet. The fact that I have left the firm for good. I don't exactly feel anything. Neither sad nor happy. It just doesn't feel like anything. And it scares me a little. Am I so devoid of feelings? Lol.

4 more days before I embark on the next phase - new job, new environment, new people. Yeah, I should be excited but still not feeling anything. But I'm sure maybe I'll lose sleep on the eve.

失憶 - Angela

我如何假裝我心裡不再有你

沉溺後清醒 你卻是異常的平靜

習慣慢慢失憶

這樣就能轉移自己


我發現我愛你就在這一瞬間

傾盆而下的卻是你不安的陰天

畢竟我不慷慨

我並不想害自己

Quiet exit

Second entry of the month.

Only simply cos there's nothing much to say.

On the workfront, I got bombed with a last minute job that I initially thought was pretty shitty. Think angry client+tight deadline. But it turned out to be relatively okay as the job was straightforward and the manager was a mr nice guy (heard he tendered too). In fact, I had a good last week with all the gossipings, long lunches and dinner with my soon-to-be ex colleagues. :\

A bit sad that I won't be able to attend the upcoming movie event, sigh. Deleted that email the moment it appeared in the inbox. I'm not a part of this anymore. And friend dua-ed me to go for the movie premiere but anyway still managed to grab someone to watch it with me. I didn't watch the first instalment on the big screen but rather it was a sketchy live streaming online, but I remembered liking it and also I enjoyed reading the book.

Last remaining 7 days with the firm. Just wanna get through it peacefully. I can imagine my last day as being any other day after clearance and that is to go back like any other day. Except this time, it's forever. lol. The whole world is on leave anyway, simply perfect to make a quiet exit.

freshly pressed laundry

I caught you staring and scrolling along my crossed-out schedule today. Out of the corner of my eye, I thought I saw something familiar on your screen, the empty pockets of space and that unmistakable X.

Alright so now you know (after getting to it accidentally).

I like the smell of freshly pressed laundry.

and so this is it.

At first I was feeling disgruntled, unjustified and still reeling in anger. I thought I was going to let it all out the moment the questionings begin. There is of course no hiding from the questionings from the partner, managers...etc. Peers wise, I'm not going to say more unless you are close to me.

Okay back to the unjustfied portion. I guess they really mean to NOT give any time-off in lieu for the shit job, seeing that billings are going to be finalised early this week. Minus off those senseless weekends coming back to re-do the cross-referencing/amendments+inefficiencies whatsoever, I believe there are still efficient overtime hours incurred. The manager obviously feels that we deserved it...nil OT hours and bad appraisal. Right, fuck it. To hell with all these, I'm leaving.

And the moment will come tomorrow when I finally click the deadly send button and brace myself for the rounds of questionings. Yeah, at first I was going to let it all out, but now I feel like playing dumb.

luxury bombs

First we have the Prada phone by LG.

Now, it's the Giorgio Armani phone by Samsung.

black is good

After 6 years of having coloured hair (from brunette, red head to ash blond), I have gone back to my black roots. Well..not exactly, since my natural hair colour is a wee bit on the brown side. Anyway it feels good to sport blue black hair, makes the hair looks healthier than my previous weird mix of ash blond and what not. :)

你說你會哭 不是因為在乎

So this is it. I can start counting down my days and make sure I don't look back on this decision that is worth a tidy 5 digit sum. But anyway, my morale is already beyond repair.

But why do I feel an impending sense of sadness? I guess I'm only human. Despite the bad times (very recent bad things that caused the irreversible damage), there are the good times and the nice peeps that I knew and/or worked with. This is pretty contradictory yeah, my heart is like dead, I'm so bent on it, yet now when reality sinks in, it's a different story altogether.

你說你會哭 不是因為在乎

tarot reading

What it says on the tarot reading on my facebook:

Death
This card is commonly misconstrued and does not specifically pertain to physical death. The Death card signifies change in your life brought about by the ending of a current situation and the beginning of a new one. While the card itself may be morbid, it actually represents exciting change in your life. Be prepared for new and exciting situations to develop.

Oh really. Let's hope it comes true then.

pieces of me

Weekends used to be something to look forward to (to rest primarily), but I guess not, starting from this coming Satuday. Of course it has been a long while since I had absolutely no contact with work on weekends. But at least I get to rest, in between the work bit.

This Saturday I would have to wake up early and drag myself to office. Horror. Yes. They almost wanted me to work 2nd shift on weekdays by heading back to office to clear the shit. UNNECESSARY shit I would say. Ridiculous standards set on documentation. Totally defeats the purpose of efficiency. I highly doubt I can finish the shit on Saturday but I'm not gonna make it 2 days in a row...stillhavemycurrentteaminchargeshit to worry about.

I don't really want to care anymore. I'm breaking. Into pieces.

My cab got into an accident today. My 2nd cab accident to date..the reckless driver rammed into a motorbike and caused the mac delivery driver to be flung off where he looked to be in so much pain, it was impossible to get up (hope his injuries weren't too serious). The impact was on my side, happened so fast, my associate and I didn't know how to react. The crazy driver almost wanted to beat the red light by braking abruptly amidst honks from containter trucks and buses. Can you imagine if it had been a container truck ramming into my side? Death would be a faster solution to all my misery. I shouldn't joke about shit like this, but I'm not really in a joking mood.

Alright, time for bed.

I need to quit.

let time fly please

Took a grand total of 5 taxi rides today, I think the most I ever took in a day.

From home to the depths of Jurong.
From depths of Jurong to Raffles
From Raffles to Suntec
From Suntec back to Raffles
From Raffles to home

I have a bad ulcer now, due to lack of sleep/stress etc...life still sucks. It will continue to till I say goodbye to this job which is sapping my personal life and all other things for that matters.

I'm not exactly staying for the bonus. I'm still stuck cos there is nothing out there that catches my fancy.

But one good thing that came out from the overwhelming Suntec engagement was that there's actually a cute guy in the office. ;) Yeah, but unfortunately today marks the last day that I'll ever see him.

life stinksss

My life stinks.

I'm so tired, I could just collapse and die (In fact dying seems like a better prospect). This week was the longest week ever despite starting on the new job only on Tuesday. The actual team-in-charge is flying to China for another job for THREE WHOLE WEEKS which effectively means that the shit is now my baby.

It's not exactly a straight forward job and it's fucking tedious. Throughout the last 4 days, I refused to bring work home to do and attempted to do whatever I can on site. Reason being, I probably can't claim much OT and now I seriously don't see the point of killing myself over work. However, come weekend, I still brought back quite a fair bit of shit to clear...yes, contrary to what I declared earlier. I'm on the verge of snapping...I don't know how long more I can take this. My fatigue is killing me. I'm sick and tired of all these...there is absolutely no so-called me time and there is not a single weekend that I don't have to worry/think about work. I really hate this kinda of life

...oh well, one thing's for sure, this should be the last financial peak for me. And that is something worth looking forward to. Even if I don't know what the future holds.

3 wishes

Am I supposed to have 3 wishes or what?

Suddenly am at a loss at what to wish for cos wishes never come true.

Hm, yeah I wish no..I just hope for a peaceful year ahead. Am Jinxed enough.

SICK

My immune system is really crap. After barely recovering from a cough+sore throat, I'm down with a cold now. Brilliant. And cold usually comes in a package, complete with body aches, fever and yes, the cough has made its return again.

My health has been spiralling downwards ever since late November. Was down with cold den and was (thankfully) fine and well for most of December before the flu bug hit again just before my Taipei trip. I thought I recovered in time before my trip but the flu bug returned on my 2nd night in Taipei possibly due to the sudden change in temperature. I was basically surviving on the flu panadols in Taipei while having a whooping cough at the same time.

Back home, recovered but I lost my voice after the Jay Chou concert. I didn't think it was anything to do with the concert (despite the screams+cheers but it probably contributed a little) but the chocolate fondue that followed after the concert did me in. So I lost my voice and the bad cough returned. It was a wonder that I managed to communicate with my client still. Went to see the doc and got a variety of medication ranging from antibiotics, lozenges, fever, runny nose tablets, voice+phlegm tablets to cough syrup. The cough faded after a week, I'm sorta getting my voice back and on Saturday (yesterday), I got hit by the flu bug again!!! There you have it, I don't think I'm ever getting well.

Totally moodless for CNY.

What I wish for is just plenty of sleep and rest.

My health stinks and work stinks as well (as always).

masked

Blogger ATE my latest entry! >_<

Although it was just a substance-less, bimbotic post about facial masks BUT STILL...stupid blogger not only ate my latest post but all other un-published posts as well. Well sometimes I get the urge to blog but after typing a few pathetic lines I decided not to..and the posts will just remain in draft form. Those are gone as well. Not that they were particularly important but still bottomline is, Blogger ate my posts! And that is totally unforgivable.

*grumbles*

Then I have to re-blog about the facial masks.

I must have mis-counted the packets of facial masks which I brought back from Korea last May. I counted 26 but the stock count which I did just only, revealed there were 23 packets left. OMG. Probably counted the 2 boxes when there were 8 packets in each box. So 23 roughly translates to about 6 more months of masking if I'm disciplined enough to do it on a weekly basis.

I'm not kidding when I said before that I must have brought back a lifetime supply of facial masks from Korea. Almost.

Currently masking on a lazy Wednesday afternoon. A little indulgence in between shit (peak). It's the simple things that count.

one year two months later

Fate left me breathless in Zara today. Okay fine, it was just a lousy coincidental encounter seeing that Singapore is such a bloody small place. But one year two months later, I caught sight of my dear jc crush again. :p Behaving all schoolgirlish again but he's probably the only one I ever liked to have that kind of effect on me.

I have to dig for that entry okay here it IS. That fateful November in twentyO6. And about two hours ago, he strolled past me in Ngee Ann City Zara and left me gesturing wildly to a friend (due to my inability to speak clearly cos my raspy voice hasn't healed). He was with this girl (I assume is the gf) and this other guy.

So I basically just stood rooted there with my jaw open, hands gesturing to my friend while this other crazy friend actually ran out of the store to take a closer look. LOL.

And CNY clothes shopping was a complete failure.

Shall attempt again tomorrow.

bad january

2008 has been anything but great so far.

Have already fallen ill twice in less than a month. And been feeling demoralised, insulted, dumb...the list goes on. The helpless feeling.

I'm even beginning to think that 2007 was better. Wtf and I'm not even done with January yet. Sigh.

happy new year?

First entry for the new year and yes, it's already the 13th day into 2008.

This is going to be like a totally lousy first entry, ya so I might as well don't blog..I actually prepared a "flashback of 2007" sort of entry but guess I'll put it up another day. Not today, not in the best of mood.

But I would like to believe, it is a blessing in disguise. I needed this to jolt me back to reality and I'm sure I won't lose sleep over it.

blogging from taipei

Sudden drop in temperature, stinky tofu, late nights (insomnia..) just about did me in. I had a mild runny nose the day before I was due to fly and I sorta recovered on my first day here..BUT due to the above, my runny nose is back PLUS a sore throat. Brilliant, great...*sniffing away..*

The stupid panadol for cold relief is not working. :(

But how can I resist all the delicious food snacks here?

I'm never getting well at this rate.

Missed the last train earlier due to my stinky tofu craze and had to take the taxi back to hotel. Bleah.

fairytales do come true, don't they?

Saw this on somebody's blog. Thought it's kinda sweet (?) and meaningful.

You know how when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales, that fantasy of what your life would be, white dress, perfect job, prince charming who would carry you away to a castle and live happily ever after. You would lie in bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming, they were so close you could taste them, but eventually you grow up, one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust.

♥ But the thing is, it’s hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely, because almost everyone has that smallest bit of faith and hope that one day they would open their eyes and all that they had dreamed of would all come true. At the end of the day, faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don’t really expect it. It’s like one day you realize that the fairy tale is slightly different than your dream. The castle, well it may not be a castle. The prince, may not necessarily be prince charming. And it’s not so important that it’s happily ever after -- just that it’s happy right now. Yes?

See, once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you. And once in awhile, someone may even take your breath away.

♥♥♥

1/16

So begins my 16 days (just counted) of vacation but no joy whatsoever. WHY? What's WRONG with YOU? Yeah, like what's wrong with me?

1/16. I'm already stoning in front of my less than one month old love...I think I may be bringing my love with me on Thursday. I'm such a slave to it.

Alrite I do know what's bugging me and it's really getting quite stressful. No, not work-related in case you are wondering. It has been freaking 6 month long, abit too long for comfort IMO. Need to get my act together and dispose of this totally, before 2007 comes to a close. Or is that possible? Historically, involuntary disposal doesn't quite work. But I can't just go on like this.

Crazy shit is totally screwing up my hols.

Zzzzz

I have been sitting at Wisma starbucks for the past 3 hours waiting for a friend who's seriously very late and caught in the rain+crowd. If without the lappy as company, I would have just died.

broke, broken

I think I'm destined to have zero savings for these two months and no, it's not because of the xmas season or whatsoever, it is because of my purchases (aka laptop, winter clothings...) and a tiny mishap just happened less than an hour ago which is going to make me another 200 bucks poorer. Dammit. OF ALL TIMES.

I have been collecting bits and pieces of useless information over the last two weeks. Really useless stuff that fall short of what I really want...or do I really want it? Okay maybe I don't. It's cool to be back at square one.

You really shouldn't attempt.

end of year once again

It's December! Like how fast...and xmas is once again round the corner. Not that I celebrate it. A certain day next week will mark the one year that I've been with the firm. Lots of ups and downs, shit, tears, drownings and with more to come. I just need the strength and willpower to last through April and after that we'll see what's in store.

For the longest time ever, I have been bringing the office laptop home without fail everyday. Other than the fact that I have work to clear at home, it is because my 4 year old Fujitsu is well, and truly dead. It feels weird to be computer-less at home and also cos I'm such a slave to it, I had to bring the work laptop home. But sometimes I'm just so sick of it, I don't...and it's actually good in a way as I am forced to go to bed early as a result. Haha. Oh well. Anyway, haven't been bringing laptop home for a week. That feeling sure feels good. But it's only temporary relief before the whole cycle begins again. And anyway, I'm no longer computer-less at home. ;) Have succumbed to my lust and brought back a new baby.

******************

I do not understand why do I need acts of nature to get a conversation started? It's not even considered a conversation in the first place. What's WRONG with me?

:)

Self-induced happiness is still a form of happiness. Even if it's short-lived...haha especially in the face of impending doom.

It's the little things that matter.

update update

It has been a rather tiring week with an average of between 3 to 5 hours worth of rest per night. Partly due to insomnia (been thinking about alot of shit) and my involuntary nightshift...

Ha, next week's gonna be hell and I'm still wearing myself out this week.

I became a receptionist/secretary in the morning. I wanted to ignore the incessant ringings from behind and pretended to busy myself with work but the office was near empty, the ringings were irritating and I happened to be beside a senior manager, oh well, had to answer them. The caller gave a whole string of information to a person who was not around. Asked me for the contact number, no I don't know. Yeah so why don't you just drop him an email and I didn't bother asking for the name of the caller.

But after which, I couldn't resist not passing the message virtually even though there wasn't much of a message to relay, given that I didn't get the name nor bother to take note of the contents clearly. LOL. ;)

Anyway I've been told to justify the hours charged for a stupid job that was done 3 months ago. Okay, it's not just me, the whole team...disgusting. But it wasn't that difficult to account for my 182 hours, given that I was basically doing the whole entity myself.

And facebook is scary lah, after making the horrible realisation that a long-time foe is actually friends with a close pal of mine. Eeeks. Hell, I didn't even know they knew each other! Yikes, now we are connected...ew. Urgh.

schizo entry

I can't get over the psychological barrier, it's tormenting. Well, soon to become a physical cum mental torture if I should allow it to stay.

Anyway, went for supper last night at Geylang and came across three groups of people from E, who were there for supper as well. Ha, well I was with fellow ex-colleagues as well. What a coincidence.

I've got things to do, things to look at (work-related) but I'm not doing anything about them. Just happy to be squandering away what's left of the toil. That's what toil should be. I'm so sick of everything. Time to go hide in bed once more.

But before that, a super aww paragraph from Stardust:

“So yes, I know that love is unconditional. But I also know that it can be unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, unbearable and strangely easy to mistake for loathing, and… What I’m trying to say, Tristan is… I think I love you. Is this love, Tristan? I never imagined I’d know it for myself. My heart… It feels like my chest can barely contain it. Like it’s trying to escape because it doesn’t belong to me any more. It belongs to you. And if you wanted it, I’d wish for nothing in exchange - no fits. No goods. No demonstrations of devotion. Nothing but knowing you loved me too. Just your heart, in exchange for mine.”

bottomless pit

To a friend:

I am sorry I was pretty monosyllabic on msn (if you noticed)
Anyway, I can't share much in your happiness but trust me, I'm happy for you
but currently, I am incapable of expressing anything
I am drowning too much in my own unhappiness
but yeah I won't spoil things for you so I won't bring anything up

***

Do I have the guts to do it?

And this is how we say goodbye.

***

I love Jay's 青花瓷.

extremely gloomy toil

A cloud of gloom is hanging over my head.

I never needed you to help me so much, till now. In fact I always hated you (the way you always make things happen but in the end, they never work out), but now I seriously need your help.

Time is running out.

I might as well get ready a shovel and start digging my grave. Next up, my personal favourite line: Dying is faster.

let's cross over the wall

Stardust was good. Well I went in expecting it to be good anyway, after reading positive reviews in the papers. Yeah, it was such a long time since I last caught a movie, sigh, yeah my life is really quite sad.

Well, love a good fairy tale any day. :)

bad luck as always

I must have taken more photographs in my ex-firm's DnD than the current one. Yeah, just have to remember who to ask the pics from as there were numerous cameras involved. I didn't crash the DnD per say but I was around the area...and I met up with some people, hence the photo-takings.

Anyway, two people remarked pretty much the same things to me in office this week. One went, "Why are you always in office?"

And the answer, "Planning loh."

And the second one saw me today and asked directly, "Why are you always doing planning?"

I nodded sadly and of which he proceeded to bluntly add.

"Then you must have a lot of (team-in-charge) jobs."

Bah, great. Yes you are damn right. And I'm so gonna die.

Anyway, my Samsung charger just died on me. I thought I'm going to be totally contact-less tomorrow since my phone's battery went flat. But thank goodness for the USB cable, now the phone's happily charging from the laptop. However, urgh I'll have to drop by the Samsung service centre (wherever that is) to get the charger replaced. :(

big girls don't cry

I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
It's time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry

The path that I'm walking I must go alone
I must take the baby steps 'till I'm full grown, full grown
Fairytales don't always have a happy ending, do they?
And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay

Like the little school mate in the school yard
We'll play jacks and uno cards
I'll be your best friend and you'll be mine Valentine
Yes you can hold my hand if you want to'
Cause I want to hold yours too
We'll be playmates and lovers and share our secret worlds
But it's time for me to go home
it's getting late, dark outside
I need to be with myself and center, clarity
Peace, Serenity

jay mania

It's rare to see a Monday afternoon post.

But in any case, I am feeling damn pissed right now...and feeling damn handicapped without an OCBC credit card. Else I would have gladly rushed down to the nearest sistic counter and get the concert tickets over and done with.

So no ocbc credit card but armed with ocbc credit card details (as kindly supplied by a good friend), I attempted from morning till now to book a PAIR of jay chou concert tickets. To no avail. I got allocated some decent seats but the furthest I got was to the ticket availability page but I never, ever got to the proceed to make payment page. That site is !@#$!...and the hotline is really HOTTTT. Dammit, dammit, dammit...I'm forsaking my precious sleep time for this crap. No words can describe my annoyance/frustration/ANGER at the sistic website.

The same kind friend is gonna attempt to help me queue at a sistic counter near her workplace to get the darned tix.

I feel like giving up and retreating back to bed.

This is complete madness.

edit: I got my jay tix after a zillion failed attempts. I'm too tired to choose seats...and so settled with whatever they got there...forget about all the PBs area.

In pain

I had a root x3 surgery today...and now half of my face is in pain and I'm tasting and spitting blood out periodically. Gross. This surgery could potentially land me with a 5 day medical leave but I didn't think it would be that bad till I went for the consultation today. Anyway, seeing that my schedule doesn't permit an impromptu 5 day disappearance, it's only good that I had Saturday and Sunday to recover plus throw in 2 days more of MC. Feels abit bad towards the job next week as I'm working under a really nice manager. Alright then I'll just work doubly hard when I return on Wednesday.

In the meantime, can the bleeding stop???

**************************************

當對的人 等不到對的時間

就在放開雙手的瞬間 愛撕成兩邊
北極星的眼淚 說不出的想念

原來我們活在兩個世界

*************************************

traumatised

According to my standards, it is a bit too early to go to bed at ten plus pm.

However that is what I feel like doing right now. When I'm feeling upset or like now, upset plus traumatised, the only thing I feel like doing is to seek refuge in bed.

I'm just one terribly confused soul.

sunday should feel like sunday

Things don't always quite work out, the way I want it to be. It has indeed gone in the general direction according to my wishes, only to come to a halt because I am not enticed by what is in store.

Sigh, what to do? Back to square one again while I hang my head low, grit my teeth and pray for a less bumpy ride ahead (which is as good as impossible but as the saying goes, what won't kill you probably makes you stronger that is until the day I snap)

I still have more than 24 hours to change my mind.

On a separate note, masking is therapeutic on a lazy Sunday afternoon.

mid-week random

Tuesday is officially over and it still feels the same.

Maybe nothing's gonna change.

Or do I really want things to change? Let's see if it happens first.

idiotic people

I hate tactless people.

Don't you know that there are some things you shouldn't say in front of a girl?

Urgh. Don't think I'm very close to you and you start loosening your tongue. Twice. I decided to not take it to heart the first time and you did it a second time round. Okay third, if I count in your not-so-nice remark towards a certain somebody (that matters to me).

Anyway, I was already in a very bad mood and you had to annoy me further. Shouldn't care too much about such people. Pain in the arse, really.

So, maybe thing will take on a different course from Tuesday onwards. Sigh. We'll see.

Impaired judgment

I think I have just made the wrong decision again.

Yeah I believe it's wrong. Hell, I'm giving up something which is gonna be so right for something which is simply going to turn out horribly wrong. As always...my judgment is impaired. So damn, going to pay the price again.

Forever making wrong choices. I'm such an idiot.

Time to disapparate for good again while I get sucked into the unknown.

edit: Oooh, I realise that today marks the 1 year that I left my previous workplace.

lazy me

It's been a whileeee..

Primarily due to my home laptop being down so I don't particularly feel the urge to blog. Secondly, there are no interesting things to talk about. Life's been pretty mundane and abit on the sad side. Okay anyway, I feel bad today that I decided not to go for the intern outing, painstakingly organised by my previous workplace's interns (now year 1 associates) saturday after saturday and finally decided on today. Only one of us turned up from the few that they asked...if only they organised it as a dinner outing..

I'm really not a weekend lunch person.

I'm only alive in the later part of the day.

Plus I slept at 5am this morning..

Guess I'm crawling back to bed again pretty soon...I'm damn sleepy.

Totally worthless post again, as I say, there is really nothing interesting.

desensitizing...

I attribute my sickness to that lousy plate of aglio olio that I ate 3 days ago. It had way too much spices and pepper in it and it was like SOUPY, rather than the usual tossed dry aglio. So I choked on the spices and coughed myself red...plus slept late that night and I suppose this is the end result.

I wanted to pen a theory on tree branches but have been desensitizing myself too much to put the words down. It's great to expect the worst.

....

I have been too ill disciplined to come up with an entry. Well, actually I did sort of started on an entry a few days ago but couldn't be bothered to publish it.

I have the signs of a sore throat coming and sore throat always comes in a package with all other things.

Currently listening to the piano piece that was featured in Jay's movie Secret and allows one to transcend to 20 years ago. Cool piece. On my repeat mode now.

Yet another purposeless, senseless entry..

Barely here

For the first time in weeks, I finally left my laptop in office. Not that I have nothing to do, I just can't bear to look at it anymore.

I am dreading tomorrow. Yikes. Totally hate that messy one person job.

More mess to come.

I am sooooooooooooo tired.

I am barely here.

Grilled

Tormented to the point of falling sick.

Way to go. I am like brilliant for screwing up a small little, shitty job.

That was three months ago that I was thrown unceremoniously into a 3 day one person job. The client took leave on the first day and I could only go in on the second half of the day on the second which means I only had 1.5 days to finish two small shitty entities that are plagued with weird issues.

I didn't even know how to do tax then. Well, still am now but...I admit that section was really quite badly done as I wasn't really sure how to.

Now the shit is back to haunt me. I am in for it. I am like totally dead.

The irony of being able to survive a bigger list co shit and yet being killed instantaneously by a small shit.

I am sad.

But the sight of him does cheer me up.

disillusioned

Bad things come in triplets.

Two other jobs I did previously returned to haunt me on Friday. As if it wasn't bad enough that I was (still) sinking in my current job. So that makes it three in a row.

I suspect she meant for me to clear up the shit on my own time when any available free time of mine is already taken up tending to the current.

I'm tired...

My life stinks

It is a sin to continue staring at the laptop now so I'll just do a quickie then scoot.

Cos my weekend has been positively burnt staring at the laptop+documenting+selecting samples+data entry+so that I can vouch myself to death next week (which is like tomorrow).

I didn't feel half the hype when the potter book reached my doorstep at an unearthly 8am on Saturday morning (I had barely rested for 3 hours). I knew I would be reading spoilers everywhere so I rather spoil things for myself by flipping to the back and reading the last two pages. I won't normally do this but....I really don't have time luxury.

Yeah I'm going to off this thing now and continue with my deathly hallows.

Goodnight.

Will more pay make your day?

An article which caught my eye on Msn Careers:

Will a bigger salary make you happier?

So it has been proven statistically by Princeton University researchers that the link between money and happiness is mostly an illusion. But this is also an age-old theory.

"Even if you do reach a higher income level, earning more money doesn't necessarily mean more smiles -- in fact, it probably means more stress. We overlook the fact that earning more typically means working more. Working more means less time with family, friends, and for yourself. If you could earn double your income by working double the hours, would you?"

I totally agree with the above. However I don't earn double my income when I work double my hours.

"Higher-income people tend to be tenser and devote more time to "obligatory" activities like work, shopping and childcare..."

SHOPPING OBLIGATORY? Okay maybe one is obliged to do some retail therapy so as to release stress temporarily but sigh, it's only temporary for stress always bounces back the next morning after the shopping. :\

But people are never satisfied?

Scary shit.

I'll rather be a farmer.

This is my pre-disappearance post. Goodbye.

Artificially charged

I have woken up from my stupor as reality hits me hard and fast (with a totally unrealistic, tight deadline+complex subsidiary with alot of issues+non-existent associate year 2).

I am scared. I am depressed. I feel helpless.

However, still need to pull myself together and hope I survive this unscathed.

It is a steep price to pay for being a senior.

Happy 777~

Happy triple seven!

Just have to come up with something on the so-called memorable day.

I wish I'm at the Tokyo concert now. *meepies*

Banana milk!

Alright, enough of the drama-mama posts (at this point in time, really can't elaborate much too..abit too painful to elaborate...).

I am currently watching this brand new Korean drama, Coffee Prince. It stars Yoon EunHye, one of my favourite Korean actresses from Goong (Princess Hours) fame. So anyway, just want to share a few screen caps below.







Yes so what is the big deal? Banana milk! Hahahaha. I miss banana milk. Seeing banana milk cheers me up.

Still reeling from my stupidity

To continue from my previous post.

This is all too fucking familiar. In fact it happened last year too, didn't it? Except the events of last year were kind of out of my control but this time round, I am in full control of everything but I had to go and do myself in. Great, fabulous, fantastic...way to go you (me).

I just need to rant

It is not the end of the world but it could spell the end at present.

I am the world's biggest idiot.

Fate sealed?

Have I just done myself in?

Or rather I think I'm done for.

I must be crazy.

PS: This is a totally redundant entry. So ignore me please. I just feel I need to give myself a few hard knocks. Like try knocking sense in.

Yes I'm really crazy.

un-tag me please

The weather is killing me. (On an irrelevant note, last year this time, I was in Taipei.)

It is UNBEARABLE.

Kill me already.

I am not used to being tagged a senior. After all it's only been a day of being a SENIOR associate and I'm not even doing anything. Stupid web-based learning which took up my whole day and I'm still not done with all the clickings as I kept missing out on hidden links and have to go back to re-click them. Argh, anyway I shall continue with the brainless clickings tomorrow.

I am already seeing 2 upcoming team-in-charge jobs and probably more to come. Sigh.

My last week to enjoy before before hell and peak kicks in again.

On another irrelevant note:


+


Okay maybe the latter is more important especially if one has to endure 3 freaking minutes to get 1 sms sent.

Samsung U700=beauty

Nuff' said.

Release date: July 2007.

Well let's hope it looks as good as in the pictures.

Retail therapy helps alleviate the pain temporarily

My credit card bills are going to crush me to death.

Despite telling myself not to spend too much after the damage done in Korea, I went ahead with my retail therapy yesterday. In fact the therapy started two weeks before when I bought some articles of clothing here and there. I didn't buy alot but the things I bought, they were kind of over-priced so urm yeah. So effectively I have burnt a severe big hole in my pockets and it's not even payday. Sigh. I wasn't in a good mood. I was alone. Almost bought 3 dresses from GG<5 (that would have been utter total madness) but settled for 1 dress and a top in the end (those 2 were the over-priced items).

Mango sale was crazy. I had a tough time navigating in the store...saw that the stripey top I bought last week was cheaper by $13 bucks. Bloody hell.

I felt better last night but when I woke up this morning, the sinking shit feeling is still there. Sigh. But believe me, it's time to start un-doing the jinx.

Wish me luck.

A broken promise

I feel royally jinxed.

A day after the mad bitch's incident. I saw that I was being booked on more of the incompetent manager's shitty jobs. And mind you, it is one continuously block of two of his jobs where I can just imagine him happily shifting me around clearing shit here (and it might not be the 2 jobs listed on the schedule...any random shit from his many shitty jobs).

I don't know what I have done to deserve this. It is totally not fair.

I am tired of talking about this but I think all these are somehow still related to the shipping shit. It was a broken promise right from the beginning. The shipping booking didn't budge an inch which makes it hard for other potential bookings to come in. I don't understand why the planner couldn't create clashes since it already known that I won't be doing this going forward(?) And now jobs under the incompetent man have to crawl their way into the empty spaces in between the shipping shit. This is what I always feared and my greatest fears have all come true.

With most bookings for FY2008 being more or less finalised now (unless people starts quitting), I don't think I have much of a say anymore which makes it damn depressing.

Even very recent new joiners get better selection of jobs than me.

I think I just about had enough.

need a hug

It got so bad that I had to swallow my tears and misery and made a quick exit to the washroom to cry my heart out.

***
Warning: Long angry entry ahead

***

I accomplished two mission impossible tasks in the space of two days. Firstly, I managed to convince the incompetent manager to release me back to the job I was doing for the past two weeks. He wasn't willing to budge initially and kept insisting that I had the familiarity when all I did was to zap and xref some shit on the 2 days last month. Well anyway, to cut things short, I managed to make him see my point of view and he relented, even without a replacement.

That was mission impossible 1. Mission impossible 2: I got someone out from his clutches from this very same job today.

So he agreed to release me and I happily went to inform the planner. I should have just left it as that and leave the planner to find someone to replace me. But I acted smart and committed a folly. There was this other girl booked to follow up on my 2 week job (after me as I was booked away by the incompetent man) and she was suddenly available because I was booked back on it. Thinking that she's really available and according to the planner, there were no other replacements, I suggested foolishly for her to take my place in the other job. Well anway, the situation was (after I had the time to sit down, dry my tears and think clearly) even if I didn't mention it, the planner would have gone ahead to book her also. But the bottomline is, I shouldn't have but even if I didn't, I guess the events to unfold would still be the same as long as she is booked on this.

She called me up three times on my extension to lambast me.

She questioned exactly what happened and if there was a promise to find a replacement because the stupid incompetent manager told her we promised to find him one. And if so, why wasn't she informed. In reality, perhaps my senior and I might have mentioned a replacement before but since he wasn't willing to release me initially so we didn't exactly go scout for one. I had to repeat many times to her that at the point that he decided to release me, there was no replacement. It was because me and the planner thought she was available due to this sudden change that she was placed into the job. She got so worked up and accused me of a BLATANT SWOP. Apparently, she has this other big job that is commencing soon and she wanted to be booked on it now to help out with some stuff but her request in the email came too late in the eveing. She even said ugly things like I was right beside the planner whereas hers came through the email and that was why my request went through and hers didn't. The planner said that last minute job requests are by first come first served basis and this incompetent manager has been bugging her for more staff ever since a long time ago and no one from her so-called big job had contacted the planner. So it does make sense that the planner would book her on it, with or without my silly suggestion (which I really shouldn't have I admit).

So I apologized many times and told her I would try to resolve things since I felt responsible for it. She wasn't convinced and called up another two times to repeat the two words BLATANT SWOP. She even wanted to come look for me after her training and when I told her I had already tried talking to the incompetent manager, she got worried that she might look bad in front of him, as if she didn't want to take on the job. Like wtf, don't you want to get out of it in the first place? Anyway she was just plain bitter and blamed me for it. Went as far as to order me to book myself back on the incompetent manager's job, let her resume her role in helping to follow up on my 2 wk job and let everything return to status quo. Oh, so your big job doesn't really need you?

At first the incompetent manager refused to release her, as per normal. Even her big job team-in-charge told the planner they could do without her as the job had many people on it anyway.

Don't ask me how. But I got her out of the shit and back into her beloved, darling big job.

I bet she must be heaving a great sigh of relief now. Don't want to hear from her again but sadly she is still booked on follow up and I have to update her next week. Fuck. I don't want to see her. Crazy bitch.

Then can I kindly direct this question too, wasn't it a classic case of blatant swop in the case of pure brat and me? The fact that she got herself into financial institutions and shoved all her shipping shit bookings to me?

Brats. Thy are all ill-bred brats. I didn't know you had to inform them before you booked them for any jobs. How spoilt and disgusting. Oh yes the crying bit, I was so stressed and upset by basically everything that I just couldn't help it anymore. And running up and down today like a mad woman trying to put things right.

For now, I just want to get past June.

I need a hug.

I want to go drinking.

Or maybe disappear totally.

crappy monday, help.

What does it take to seriously irritate a person?

I attempted to do that today by asking many questions. And he actually retorted, "If I knew where all those things are, I will be doing them myself." Great, so you are even more clueless than I am. If you don't know where the supporting are, how am I supposed to know?

I (still) hate him.

Did everything half-heartedly. I swear some figures don't tie but if more den 95% does, I sure hope he does not notice the 5%.

Had a loss of appetite during lunch. Both me and my previous firm's senior...she was worried about her meeting later on the in afternoon whereas I was thinking of the messy shit I have to clear and also how to get through the next 1 week 3 days when I was already feeling suicidal just having to work 2 days under him last month.

Everyone seems to be in a crappy mood on Monday. I shall refrain from msn-ing lest I say/ask the wrong things. Yeah especially since I'm in a crappy pms-y mood myself.

cool sunday

Today is a good day to just laze in bed and do nothing. Been raining the whole of yesterday and it has been raining on and off today...which is absolutely divine. Never mind the fact that I was braving the rain yesterday to get to Sim Lim Square to check out tv tuners, then shopping at Orchard and ended off with Ocean 13.

So here I am seated with one of my many Korean facial masks on my face, counting away the minutes before I can remove it then retreat back to bed.

Last weekend to enjoy...

fleeting thoughts

On the train to work this morning, I had a fleeting thought of staying on till senior year 2. That is if I don't have too many team-leading jobs or shitty jobs. I had my fair share of good jobs during my brief six months here minus off the shipping and the incompetent manager who simply loves to book me to clear his outstanding shit. The shipping shit isn't all that bad but it just isn't my thing and I don't see the point in specialising in it. The reason why I hate(d) it then was because I was made to co-team lead with the pure brat when I knew nuts about the shipping business. And also the pure brat had much to contribute to my misery. I thought my wish was made loud and clear...however in the end, it was the pure brat who managed to wriggle herself out of it by simply requesting to do banks. Sure enough, she got her wish...i*c disappeared for her whereas for my schedule, the whole evil grey block stays to haunt and remind me I was cheated.

So that was how the fleeting thought came about, for a moment I thought I could. But I am really, really bu gan yuan. But is there anything I can even do about it? At the risk of being thrown even shittier things, I still wish for i*c to disappear, totally. Then I can discuss options with myself about sticking around for a longer period of time. I don't mind long jobs but can it be something I don't feel strongly against? I seem to be okay with all other industries (except when working under the incompetent manager). Sigh. Have I been passive long enough? Thinking stupidly that they will do something about my booking? Turns out I was so wrong.

SIGH.

Departure seems imminent but.

Pure brat, you are one lucky bitch.