and so this is it.

At first I was feeling disgruntled, unjustified and still reeling in anger. I thought I was going to let it all out the moment the questionings begin. There is of course no hiding from the questionings from the partner, managers...etc. Peers wise, I'm not going to say more unless you are close to me.

Okay back to the unjustfied portion. I guess they really mean to NOT give any time-off in lieu for the shit job, seeing that billings are going to be finalised early this week. Minus off those senseless weekends coming back to re-do the cross-referencing/amendments+inefficiencies whatsoever, I believe there are still efficient overtime hours incurred. The manager obviously feels that we deserved it...nil OT hours and bad appraisal. Right, fuck it. To hell with all these, I'm leaving.

And the moment will come tomorrow when I finally click the deadly send button and brace myself for the rounds of questionings. Yeah, at first I was going to let it all out, but now I feel like playing dumb.

luxury bombs

First we have the Prada phone by LG.

Now, it's the Giorgio Armani phone by Samsung.

black is good

After 6 years of having coloured hair (from brunette, red head to ash blond), I have gone back to my black roots. Well..not exactly, since my natural hair colour is a wee bit on the brown side. Anyway it feels good to sport blue black hair, makes the hair looks healthier than my previous weird mix of ash blond and what not. :)

你說你會哭 不是因為在乎

So this is it. I can start counting down my days and make sure I don't look back on this decision that is worth a tidy 5 digit sum. But anyway, my morale is already beyond repair.

But why do I feel an impending sense of sadness? I guess I'm only human. Despite the bad times (very recent bad things that caused the irreversible damage), there are the good times and the nice peeps that I knew and/or worked with. This is pretty contradictory yeah, my heart is like dead, I'm so bent on it, yet now when reality sinks in, it's a different story altogether.

你說你會哭 不是因為在乎

tarot reading

What it says on the tarot reading on my facebook:

Death
This card is commonly misconstrued and does not specifically pertain to physical death. The Death card signifies change in your life brought about by the ending of a current situation and the beginning of a new one. While the card itself may be morbid, it actually represents exciting change in your life. Be prepared for new and exciting situations to develop.

Oh really. Let's hope it comes true then.

pieces of me

Weekends used to be something to look forward to (to rest primarily), but I guess not, starting from this coming Satuday. Of course it has been a long while since I had absolutely no contact with work on weekends. But at least I get to rest, in between the work bit.

This Saturday I would have to wake up early and drag myself to office. Horror. Yes. They almost wanted me to work 2nd shift on weekdays by heading back to office to clear the shit. UNNECESSARY shit I would say. Ridiculous standards set on documentation. Totally defeats the purpose of efficiency. I highly doubt I can finish the shit on Saturday but I'm not gonna make it 2 days in a row...stillhavemycurrentteaminchargeshit to worry about.

I don't really want to care anymore. I'm breaking. Into pieces.

My cab got into an accident today. My 2nd cab accident to date..the reckless driver rammed into a motorbike and caused the mac delivery driver to be flung off where he looked to be in so much pain, it was impossible to get up (hope his injuries weren't too serious). The impact was on my side, happened so fast, my associate and I didn't know how to react. The crazy driver almost wanted to beat the red light by braking abruptly amidst honks from containter trucks and buses. Can you imagine if it had been a container truck ramming into my side? Death would be a faster solution to all my misery. I shouldn't joke about shit like this, but I'm not really in a joking mood.

Alright, time for bed.

I need to quit.

let time fly please

Took a grand total of 5 taxi rides today, I think the most I ever took in a day.

From home to the depths of Jurong.
From depths of Jurong to Raffles
From Raffles to Suntec
From Suntec back to Raffles
From Raffles to home

I have a bad ulcer now, due to lack of sleep/stress etc...life still sucks. It will continue to till I say goodbye to this job which is sapping my personal life and all other things for that matters.

I'm not exactly staying for the bonus. I'm still stuck cos there is nothing out there that catches my fancy.

But one good thing that came out from the overwhelming Suntec engagement was that there's actually a cute guy in the office. ;) Yeah, but unfortunately today marks the last day that I'll ever see him.

life stinksss

My life stinks.

I'm so tired, I could just collapse and die (In fact dying seems like a better prospect). This week was the longest week ever despite starting on the new job only on Tuesday. The actual team-in-charge is flying to China for another job for THREE WHOLE WEEKS which effectively means that the shit is now my baby.

It's not exactly a straight forward job and it's fucking tedious. Throughout the last 4 days, I refused to bring work home to do and attempted to do whatever I can on site. Reason being, I probably can't claim much OT and now I seriously don't see the point of killing myself over work. However, come weekend, I still brought back quite a fair bit of shit to clear...yes, contrary to what I declared earlier. I'm on the verge of snapping...I don't know how long more I can take this. My fatigue is killing me. I'm sick and tired of all these...there is absolutely no so-called me time and there is not a single weekend that I don't have to worry/think about work. I really hate this kinda of life

...oh well, one thing's for sure, this should be the last financial peak for me. And that is something worth looking forward to. Even if I don't know what the future holds.

3 wishes

Am I supposed to have 3 wishes or what?

Suddenly am at a loss at what to wish for cos wishes never come true.

Hm, yeah I wish no..I just hope for a peaceful year ahead. Am Jinxed enough.

SICK

My immune system is really crap. After barely recovering from a cough+sore throat, I'm down with a cold now. Brilliant. And cold usually comes in a package, complete with body aches, fever and yes, the cough has made its return again.

My health has been spiralling downwards ever since late November. Was down with cold den and was (thankfully) fine and well for most of December before the flu bug hit again just before my Taipei trip. I thought I recovered in time before my trip but the flu bug returned on my 2nd night in Taipei possibly due to the sudden change in temperature. I was basically surviving on the flu panadols in Taipei while having a whooping cough at the same time.

Back home, recovered but I lost my voice after the Jay Chou concert. I didn't think it was anything to do with the concert (despite the screams+cheers but it probably contributed a little) but the chocolate fondue that followed after the concert did me in. So I lost my voice and the bad cough returned. It was a wonder that I managed to communicate with my client still. Went to see the doc and got a variety of medication ranging from antibiotics, lozenges, fever, runny nose tablets, voice+phlegm tablets to cough syrup. The cough faded after a week, I'm sorta getting my voice back and on Saturday (yesterday), I got hit by the flu bug again!!! There you have it, I don't think I'm ever getting well.

Totally moodless for CNY.

What I wish for is just plenty of sleep and rest.

My health stinks and work stinks as well (as always).

masked

Blogger ATE my latest entry! >_<

Although it was just a substance-less, bimbotic post about facial masks BUT STILL...stupid blogger not only ate my latest post but all other un-published posts as well. Well sometimes I get the urge to blog but after typing a few pathetic lines I decided not to..and the posts will just remain in draft form. Those are gone as well. Not that they were particularly important but still bottomline is, Blogger ate my posts! And that is totally unforgivable.

*grumbles*

Then I have to re-blog about the facial masks.

I must have mis-counted the packets of facial masks which I brought back from Korea last May. I counted 26 but the stock count which I did just only, revealed there were 23 packets left. OMG. Probably counted the 2 boxes when there were 8 packets in each box. So 23 roughly translates to about 6 more months of masking if I'm disciplined enough to do it on a weekly basis.

I'm not kidding when I said before that I must have brought back a lifetime supply of facial masks from Korea. Almost.

Currently masking on a lazy Wednesday afternoon. A little indulgence in between shit (peak). It's the simple things that count.

one year two months later

Fate left me breathless in Zara today. Okay fine, it was just a lousy coincidental encounter seeing that Singapore is such a bloody small place. But one year two months later, I caught sight of my dear jc crush again. :p Behaving all schoolgirlish again but he's probably the only one I ever liked to have that kind of effect on me.

I have to dig for that entry okay here it IS. That fateful November in twentyO6. And about two hours ago, he strolled past me in Ngee Ann City Zara and left me gesturing wildly to a friend (due to my inability to speak clearly cos my raspy voice hasn't healed). He was with this girl (I assume is the gf) and this other guy.

So I basically just stood rooted there with my jaw open, hands gesturing to my friend while this other crazy friend actually ran out of the store to take a closer look. LOL.

And CNY clothes shopping was a complete failure.

Shall attempt again tomorrow.

bad january

2008 has been anything but great so far.

Have already fallen ill twice in less than a month. And been feeling demoralised, insulted, dumb...the list goes on. The helpless feeling.

I'm even beginning to think that 2007 was better. Wtf and I'm not even done with January yet. Sigh.

happy new year?

First entry for the new year and yes, it's already the 13th day into 2008.

This is going to be like a totally lousy first entry, ya so I might as well don't blog..I actually prepared a "flashback of 2007" sort of entry but guess I'll put it up another day. Not today, not in the best of mood.

But I would like to believe, it is a blessing in disguise. I needed this to jolt me back to reality and I'm sure I won't lose sleep over it.

blogging from taipei

Sudden drop in temperature, stinky tofu, late nights (insomnia..) just about did me in. I had a mild runny nose the day before I was due to fly and I sorta recovered on my first day here..BUT due to the above, my runny nose is back PLUS a sore throat. Brilliant, great...*sniffing away..*

The stupid panadol for cold relief is not working. :(

But how can I resist all the delicious food snacks here?

I'm never getting well at this rate.

Missed the last train earlier due to my stinky tofu craze and had to take the taxi back to hotel. Bleah.

fairytales do come true, don't they?

Saw this on somebody's blog. Thought it's kinda sweet (?) and meaningful.

You know how when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales, that fantasy of what your life would be, white dress, perfect job, prince charming who would carry you away to a castle and live happily ever after. You would lie in bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming, they were so close you could taste them, but eventually you grow up, one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust.

♥ But the thing is, it’s hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely, because almost everyone has that smallest bit of faith and hope that one day they would open their eyes and all that they had dreamed of would all come true. At the end of the day, faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don’t really expect it. It’s like one day you realize that the fairy tale is slightly different than your dream. The castle, well it may not be a castle. The prince, may not necessarily be prince charming. And it’s not so important that it’s happily ever after -- just that it’s happy right now. Yes?

See, once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you. And once in awhile, someone may even take your breath away.

♥♥♥

1/16

So begins my 16 days (just counted) of vacation but no joy whatsoever. WHY? What's WRONG with YOU? Yeah, like what's wrong with me?

1/16. I'm already stoning in front of my less than one month old love...I think I may be bringing my love with me on Thursday. I'm such a slave to it.

Alrite I do know what's bugging me and it's really getting quite stressful. No, not work-related in case you are wondering. It has been freaking 6 month long, abit too long for comfort IMO. Need to get my act together and dispose of this totally, before 2007 comes to a close. Or is that possible? Historically, involuntary disposal doesn't quite work. But I can't just go on like this.

Crazy shit is totally screwing up my hols.

Zzzzz

I have been sitting at Wisma starbucks for the past 3 hours waiting for a friend who's seriously very late and caught in the rain+crowd. If without the lappy as company, I would have just died.

broke, broken

I think I'm destined to have zero savings for these two months and no, it's not because of the xmas season or whatsoever, it is because of my purchases (aka laptop, winter clothings...) and a tiny mishap just happened less than an hour ago which is going to make me another 200 bucks poorer. Dammit. OF ALL TIMES.

I have been collecting bits and pieces of useless information over the last two weeks. Really useless stuff that fall short of what I really want...or do I really want it? Okay maybe I don't. It's cool to be back at square one.

You really shouldn't attempt.

end of year once again

It's December! Like how fast...and xmas is once again round the corner. Not that I celebrate it. A certain day next week will mark the one year that I've been with the firm. Lots of ups and downs, shit, tears, drownings and with more to come. I just need the strength and willpower to last through April and after that we'll see what's in store.

For the longest time ever, I have been bringing the office laptop home without fail everyday. Other than the fact that I have work to clear at home, it is because my 4 year old Fujitsu is well, and truly dead. It feels weird to be computer-less at home and also cos I'm such a slave to it, I had to bring the work laptop home. But sometimes I'm just so sick of it, I don't...and it's actually good in a way as I am forced to go to bed early as a result. Haha. Oh well. Anyway, haven't been bringing laptop home for a week. That feeling sure feels good. But it's only temporary relief before the whole cycle begins again. And anyway, I'm no longer computer-less at home. ;) Have succumbed to my lust and brought back a new baby.

******************

I do not understand why do I need acts of nature to get a conversation started? It's not even considered a conversation in the first place. What's WRONG with me?