big girls don't cry

I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
It's time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry

The path that I'm walking I must go alone
I must take the baby steps 'till I'm full grown, full grown
Fairytales don't always have a happy ending, do they?
And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay

Like the little school mate in the school yard
We'll play jacks and uno cards
I'll be your best friend and you'll be mine Valentine
Yes you can hold my hand if you want to'
Cause I want to hold yours too
We'll be playmates and lovers and share our secret worlds
But it's time for me to go home
it's getting late, dark outside
I need to be with myself and center, clarity
Peace, Serenity

jay mania

It's rare to see a Monday afternoon post.

But in any case, I am feeling damn pissed right now...and feeling damn handicapped without an OCBC credit card. Else I would have gladly rushed down to the nearest sistic counter and get the concert tickets over and done with.

So no ocbc credit card but armed with ocbc credit card details (as kindly supplied by a good friend), I attempted from morning till now to book a PAIR of jay chou concert tickets. To no avail. I got allocated some decent seats but the furthest I got was to the ticket availability page but I never, ever got to the proceed to make payment page. That site is !@#$!...and the hotline is really HOTTTT. Dammit, dammit, dammit...I'm forsaking my precious sleep time for this crap. No words can describe my annoyance/frustration/ANGER at the sistic website.

The same kind friend is gonna attempt to help me queue at a sistic counter near her workplace to get the darned tix.

I feel like giving up and retreating back to bed.

This is complete madness.

edit: I got my jay tix after a zillion failed attempts. I'm too tired to choose seats...and so settled with whatever they got there...forget about all the PBs area.

In pain

I had a root x3 surgery today...and now half of my face is in pain and I'm tasting and spitting blood out periodically. Gross. This surgery could potentially land me with a 5 day medical leave but I didn't think it would be that bad till I went for the consultation today. Anyway, seeing that my schedule doesn't permit an impromptu 5 day disappearance, it's only good that I had Saturday and Sunday to recover plus throw in 2 days more of MC. Feels abit bad towards the job next week as I'm working under a really nice manager. Alright then I'll just work doubly hard when I return on Wednesday.

In the meantime, can the bleeding stop???

**************************************

當對的人 等不到對的時間

就在放開雙手的瞬間 愛撕成兩邊
北極星的眼淚 說不出的想念

原來我們活在兩個世界

*************************************

traumatised

According to my standards, it is a bit too early to go to bed at ten plus pm.

However that is what I feel like doing right now. When I'm feeling upset or like now, upset plus traumatised, the only thing I feel like doing is to seek refuge in bed.

I'm just one terribly confused soul.

sunday should feel like sunday

Things don't always quite work out, the way I want it to be. It has indeed gone in the general direction according to my wishes, only to come to a halt because I am not enticed by what is in store.

Sigh, what to do? Back to square one again while I hang my head low, grit my teeth and pray for a less bumpy ride ahead (which is as good as impossible but as the saying goes, what won't kill you probably makes you stronger that is until the day I snap)

I still have more than 24 hours to change my mind.

On a separate note, masking is therapeutic on a lazy Sunday afternoon.

mid-week random

Tuesday is officially over and it still feels the same.

Maybe nothing's gonna change.

Or do I really want things to change? Let's see if it happens first.

idiotic people

I hate tactless people.

Don't you know that there are some things you shouldn't say in front of a girl?

Urgh. Don't think I'm very close to you and you start loosening your tongue. Twice. I decided to not take it to heart the first time and you did it a second time round. Okay third, if I count in your not-so-nice remark towards a certain somebody (that matters to me).

Anyway, I was already in a very bad mood and you had to annoy me further. Shouldn't care too much about such people. Pain in the arse, really.

So, maybe thing will take on a different course from Tuesday onwards. Sigh. We'll see.

Impaired judgment

I think I have just made the wrong decision again.

Yeah I believe it's wrong. Hell, I'm giving up something which is gonna be so right for something which is simply going to turn out horribly wrong. As always...my judgment is impaired. So damn, going to pay the price again.

Forever making wrong choices. I'm such an idiot.

Time to disapparate for good again while I get sucked into the unknown.

edit: Oooh, I realise that today marks the 1 year that I left my previous workplace.

lazy me

It's been a whileeee..

Primarily due to my home laptop being down so I don't particularly feel the urge to blog. Secondly, there are no interesting things to talk about. Life's been pretty mundane and abit on the sad side. Okay anyway, I feel bad today that I decided not to go for the intern outing, painstakingly organised by my previous workplace's interns (now year 1 associates) saturday after saturday and finally decided on today. Only one of us turned up from the few that they asked...if only they organised it as a dinner outing..

I'm really not a weekend lunch person.

I'm only alive in the later part of the day.

Plus I slept at 5am this morning..

Guess I'm crawling back to bed again pretty soon...I'm damn sleepy.

Totally worthless post again, as I say, there is really nothing interesting.

desensitizing...

I attribute my sickness to that lousy plate of aglio olio that I ate 3 days ago. It had way too much spices and pepper in it and it was like SOUPY, rather than the usual tossed dry aglio. So I choked on the spices and coughed myself red...plus slept late that night and I suppose this is the end result.

I wanted to pen a theory on tree branches but have been desensitizing myself too much to put the words down. It's great to expect the worst.

....

I have been too ill disciplined to come up with an entry. Well, actually I did sort of started on an entry a few days ago but couldn't be bothered to publish it.

I have the signs of a sore throat coming and sore throat always comes in a package with all other things.

Currently listening to the piano piece that was featured in Jay's movie Secret and allows one to transcend to 20 years ago. Cool piece. On my repeat mode now.

Yet another purposeless, senseless entry..

Barely here

For the first time in weeks, I finally left my laptop in office. Not that I have nothing to do, I just can't bear to look at it anymore.

I am dreading tomorrow. Yikes. Totally hate that messy one person job.

More mess to come.

I am sooooooooooooo tired.

I am barely here.

Grilled

Tormented to the point of falling sick.

Way to go. I am like brilliant for screwing up a small little, shitty job.

That was three months ago that I was thrown unceremoniously into a 3 day one person job. The client took leave on the first day and I could only go in on the second half of the day on the second which means I only had 1.5 days to finish two small shitty entities that are plagued with weird issues.

I didn't even know how to do tax then. Well, still am now but...I admit that section was really quite badly done as I wasn't really sure how to.

Now the shit is back to haunt me. I am in for it. I am like totally dead.

The irony of being able to survive a bigger list co shit and yet being killed instantaneously by a small shit.

I am sad.

But the sight of him does cheer me up.

disillusioned

Bad things come in triplets.

Two other jobs I did previously returned to haunt me on Friday. As if it wasn't bad enough that I was (still) sinking in my current job. So that makes it three in a row.

I suspect she meant for me to clear up the shit on my own time when any available free time of mine is already taken up tending to the current.

I'm tired...

My life stinks

It is a sin to continue staring at the laptop now so I'll just do a quickie then scoot.

Cos my weekend has been positively burnt staring at the laptop+documenting+selecting samples+data entry+so that I can vouch myself to death next week (which is like tomorrow).

I didn't feel half the hype when the potter book reached my doorstep at an unearthly 8am on Saturday morning (I had barely rested for 3 hours). I knew I would be reading spoilers everywhere so I rather spoil things for myself by flipping to the back and reading the last two pages. I won't normally do this but....I really don't have time luxury.

Yeah I'm going to off this thing now and continue with my deathly hallows.

Goodnight.

Will more pay make your day?

An article which caught my eye on Msn Careers:

Will a bigger salary make you happier?

So it has been proven statistically by Princeton University researchers that the link between money and happiness is mostly an illusion. But this is also an age-old theory.

"Even if you do reach a higher income level, earning more money doesn't necessarily mean more smiles -- in fact, it probably means more stress. We overlook the fact that earning more typically means working more. Working more means less time with family, friends, and for yourself. If you could earn double your income by working double the hours, would you?"

I totally agree with the above. However I don't earn double my income when I work double my hours.

"Higher-income people tend to be tenser and devote more time to "obligatory" activities like work, shopping and childcare..."

SHOPPING OBLIGATORY? Okay maybe one is obliged to do some retail therapy so as to release stress temporarily but sigh, it's only temporary for stress always bounces back the next morning after the shopping. :\

But people are never satisfied?

Scary shit.

I'll rather be a farmer.

This is my pre-disappearance post. Goodbye.

Artificially charged

I have woken up from my stupor as reality hits me hard and fast (with a totally unrealistic, tight deadline+complex subsidiary with alot of issues+non-existent associate year 2).

I am scared. I am depressed. I feel helpless.

However, still need to pull myself together and hope I survive this unscathed.

It is a steep price to pay for being a senior.

Happy 777~

Happy triple seven!

Just have to come up with something on the so-called memorable day.

I wish I'm at the Tokyo concert now. *meepies*

Banana milk!

Alright, enough of the drama-mama posts (at this point in time, really can't elaborate much too..abit too painful to elaborate...).

I am currently watching this brand new Korean drama, Coffee Prince. It stars Yoon EunHye, one of my favourite Korean actresses from Goong (Princess Hours) fame. So anyway, just want to share a few screen caps below.







Yes so what is the big deal? Banana milk! Hahahaha. I miss banana milk. Seeing banana milk cheers me up.

Still reeling from my stupidity

To continue from my previous post.

This is all too fucking familiar. In fact it happened last year too, didn't it? Except the events of last year were kind of out of my control but this time round, I am in full control of everything but I had to go and do myself in. Great, fabulous, fantastic...way to go you (me).

I just need to rant

It is not the end of the world but it could spell the end at present.

I am the world's biggest idiot.