愛在遺憾裡 更清晰

閉上眼睛 還能看見 你離去的痕跡
在月光下 一直找尋 那想念的身影

如果說分手 是苦痛的起點
那在終點之前 我願意再愛一遍
想要對你說的 不敢說的愛 會不會有人 可以明白

我會發著呆 然後忘記你 接著緊緊閉上眼
想著哪一天 會有人代替 讓我不再想念你

我會發著呆 然後微微笑 接著緊緊閉上眼
又想了一遍 你溫柔的臉 在我忘記之前

心裡的眼淚 模糊了視線 我已快 看不見

lalala

Blogging from the hotel lobby again at 2-ish in the morning. There was some filming going on at the counter earlier and being the typical kpo Singaporean, I had to take a closer look, you know, just in case it's some big
shot...or Alex Fong..(my last remaining favourite in HK after Edison fell into disgrace).

Anyway, it's a girl. I thought maybe some random model since they looked as if they were filming an ad for the hotel as the girl was dressed in the counter uniform. But she looks like Shirley Yeung although a tad on the short side, I thought she was taller from TV. *Shrugs* And she has a PA tagging along...

So HK is having amber rain storm now as per the Hong Kong Observatory. It was RED rainstorm earlier I think. Supposed to be bad with floodings...and I was still wandering around TST and getting myself totally wet in the heavy rain. Umbrella didn't help.

Alright it's now officially 3am and I'm the only insane person left in the lobby with the guy who's vacuuming the floor. Bahahah.

Night!

dead dead dead!!

I'm so dead.

It's almost Thursday, almost the end of the week...and I haven't done anything much! Primarily due to the HK staff having no time to entertain me, don't all these sound so familiar?

Arghhh...

And I'm so proud of myself that 3 days 2 nights later in Hong Kong, and I have only spent a grand total of S$33. Out of which S$26 relates to the octopus card meant for taking the local subway. Muahahaha.

Edit: It's starting to pour outside. Time for bed. Nites!

greetings from HK

*Waves from Hong Kong*

As expected, I have no FREE internet access back in the hotel, cept for the hotel lobby...but I'm too lazy to bring laptop down to surf/check my nonsense. Besides I doubt my chunky brick of a laptop can detect any form of wireless.

One thing about working overseas, I'm perpetually tired even though work hasn't exactly commenced proper. Maybe I'm not in tune with things yet. And being no in tune physically actually puts me at a higher risk of falling sick. Hahaha, yeah so plenty of water and fruits and try to sleep earlier at night. Besides work, there really isn't anything to stay up for (read: no internet = early nights).

The HK peeps just handed us the lift access card for use during weekends. NOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo........not surprising, the land of workaholics. Them coming back during weekends are simply the norm.

Edit @ 9.12pm: Yeah I'm blogging now from the hotel lobby. How pathetic..my colleague helped me figure out how to get the freaking wireless to work. But my battery is dropping like 30% every 5 minutes....so.....and I've got work to do. !@# Sigh. And my back hurts...(sprained back, thanks to my luggage)...

black storm in HK

Hong Kong hit by severe flooding, two feared trapped

Landslide kills two in Hong Kong

And one of the worst hit spots in the territory is at Hong Kong's International Airport at Lantau Island. The main road to the airpot was closed because of flooding. :\

The flood pictures in the Sunday Times today are not encouraging at all. :\ :\

I hope it doesn't rain too much in the next two weeks. :(

I don't foresee I'll be able to blog due to nil internet access back in hotel room, yeah..so we'll meet again 2 weeks' later (if I feel up to it to blog). Wish me luck for my first trip overseas to work.

2nd day of commercialism

ANYWAY, I didn't lose sleep on the eve of my first day in case you were wondering. I'm too immune to such stuff. Changes don't bother me too much, as yet.

I had an irresistible urge to blog this afternoon, in office no less. But since I had no choice but to contain the urge (blogger is blocked - more elab below), I can only do it now and hope I don't forget 75% of what I wanted to say.

2nd day of commercialism.

And I do have quite a few things to say/compare after having spent close to 3 years in beeg 4 environment. Preliminary and shallow assessment first as this is still only my second day at work and first week is obviously the honeymoon week, after which I'm going headlong into...(shit?). Gonna camp the coming 2 weeks in the heart of causeway bay.

1) Desk: Yes I finally have my own big desk with 3 spacious cabinets. All mine....but I see no point in personalizing the area as I won't be perpetually around in office. Yeah so I just have more room to spill my stuff and keep my barang barang. However, I'm kinda missing the crammed style of hotdesking with little arm/leg space whatever...and the gossipings/bitchings in between which will be further missed in note 2 below.

2) Quiet and alone...not exactly alone as I have two interns sitting nearby but it is still way too quiet with everybody mostly engrossed with their own work. The colleagues are nice and friendly so far but engaging in casual chats during office hours seem to be taboo.

3) Restricted access to the internet: Yes, you heard it.....NO checking of personal emails (yahoo/gmail/whatever are all banned). If the most basic is already banned and blocked, naturally other nonsense websites like facebook/myspace/ebuddy etc won't be available...and I dunno what others are blocked cos I didn't bother to check. What are Not blocked are news sites, google (search results might be blocked)...and of course that goes without saying, no msn. Hahaha, after having too much freedom online at previous workplaces, this sure takes some getting used to. Now my only mode of communication with the outside world is my office email. When not so long ago, my heart would sink at emails notification, now I brighten up at such notifications if the emails are from friends responding to my ultimate boredom.

4) No more making the effort to dress up at work (for obvious reasons).

5) No good food within walking distance. The food sucks and is expensive. I'm starting to miss the many eateries at the Raffes area.

I think I'm just simply suffering from PRB (Post Raffles Blues). It has been nearly a week since I kissed goodbye to the CBD and I'm feeling the effects now, hahaha.

Continue to feed my boredom for the rest of this week before reality strikes next week.

Edit on 4th June: I can access blogger from office! but i don't dare to blog.....

and so this is goodbye

My exit wasn't that quiet but it was still pretty low-key overall.

I finished 80% of my clearance tasks before mid-day, after which, I went for a farewell lunch with 6 of my colleagues. Just a teenie weenie bit disappointed that somebody wasn't able to turn up for the farewell lunch because the said person was on leave (and obviously can't be bothered and only did a reply-all to the lunch invitation with Regrets and his signoff). And this is how we say goodbye.....but hey wait, we didn't even say a proper goodbye last Friday. Okay, whatever, this is absolutely not important.

So the farewell lunch was a simple gathering of senior associates and 2 managers. Photo-taking in restaurant and office. Engaged in illegal activities (transferring of dramas and songs to colleagues via my ext hard disk) and almost missed the deadline for the passing of the clearance form to the HR. Had to hurriedly delete off stuff from my computer, stuffed it back into the laptop case and then lugged it down to the IT department. And finally, I say goodbye to the laptop. :) After one last round of goodbyes, I left the office shortly after 5.

Yes and so this is it.

I don't know if it has sinked in yet. The fact that I have left the firm for good. I don't exactly feel anything. Neither sad nor happy. It just doesn't feel like anything. And it scares me a little. Am I so devoid of feelings? Lol.

4 more days before I embark on the next phase - new job, new environment, new people. Yeah, I should be excited but still not feeling anything. But I'm sure maybe I'll lose sleep on the eve.

失憶 - Angela

我如何假裝我心裡不再有你

沉溺後清醒 你卻是異常的平靜

習慣慢慢失憶

這樣就能轉移自己


我發現我愛你就在這一瞬間

傾盆而下的卻是你不安的陰天

畢竟我不慷慨

我並不想害自己

Quiet exit

Second entry of the month.

Only simply cos there's nothing much to say.

On the workfront, I got bombed with a last minute job that I initially thought was pretty shitty. Think angry client+tight deadline. But it turned out to be relatively okay as the job was straightforward and the manager was a mr nice guy (heard he tendered too). In fact, I had a good last week with all the gossipings, long lunches and dinner with my soon-to-be ex colleagues. :\

A bit sad that I won't be able to attend the upcoming movie event, sigh. Deleted that email the moment it appeared in the inbox. I'm not a part of this anymore. And friend dua-ed me to go for the movie premiere but anyway still managed to grab someone to watch it with me. I didn't watch the first instalment on the big screen but rather it was a sketchy live streaming online, but I remembered liking it and also I enjoyed reading the book.

Last remaining 7 days with the firm. Just wanna get through it peacefully. I can imagine my last day as being any other day after clearance and that is to go back like any other day. Except this time, it's forever. lol. The whole world is on leave anyway, simply perfect to make a quiet exit.

freshly pressed laundry

I caught you staring and scrolling along my crossed-out schedule today. Out of the corner of my eye, I thought I saw something familiar on your screen, the empty pockets of space and that unmistakable X.

Alright so now you know (after getting to it accidentally).

I like the smell of freshly pressed laundry.

and so this is it.

At first I was feeling disgruntled, unjustified and still reeling in anger. I thought I was going to let it all out the moment the questionings begin. There is of course no hiding from the questionings from the partner, managers...etc. Peers wise, I'm not going to say more unless you are close to me.

Okay back to the unjustfied portion. I guess they really mean to NOT give any time-off in lieu for the shit job, seeing that billings are going to be finalised early this week. Minus off those senseless weekends coming back to re-do the cross-referencing/amendments+inefficiencies whatsoever, I believe there are still efficient overtime hours incurred. The manager obviously feels that we deserved it...nil OT hours and bad appraisal. Right, fuck it. To hell with all these, I'm leaving.

And the moment will come tomorrow when I finally click the deadly send button and brace myself for the rounds of questionings. Yeah, at first I was going to let it all out, but now I feel like playing dumb.

luxury bombs

First we have the Prada phone by LG.

Now, it's the Giorgio Armani phone by Samsung.

black is good

After 6 years of having coloured hair (from brunette, red head to ash blond), I have gone back to my black roots. Well..not exactly, since my natural hair colour is a wee bit on the brown side. Anyway it feels good to sport blue black hair, makes the hair looks healthier than my previous weird mix of ash blond and what not. :)

你說你會哭 不是因為在乎

So this is it. I can start counting down my days and make sure I don't look back on this decision that is worth a tidy 5 digit sum. But anyway, my morale is already beyond repair.

But why do I feel an impending sense of sadness? I guess I'm only human. Despite the bad times (very recent bad things that caused the irreversible damage), there are the good times and the nice peeps that I knew and/or worked with. This is pretty contradictory yeah, my heart is like dead, I'm so bent on it, yet now when reality sinks in, it's a different story altogether.

你說你會哭 不是因為在乎

tarot reading

What it says on the tarot reading on my facebook:

Death
This card is commonly misconstrued and does not specifically pertain to physical death. The Death card signifies change in your life brought about by the ending of a current situation and the beginning of a new one. While the card itself may be morbid, it actually represents exciting change in your life. Be prepared for new and exciting situations to develop.

Oh really. Let's hope it comes true then.

pieces of me

Weekends used to be something to look forward to (to rest primarily), but I guess not, starting from this coming Satuday. Of course it has been a long while since I had absolutely no contact with work on weekends. But at least I get to rest, in between the work bit.

This Saturday I would have to wake up early and drag myself to office. Horror. Yes. They almost wanted me to work 2nd shift on weekdays by heading back to office to clear the shit. UNNECESSARY shit I would say. Ridiculous standards set on documentation. Totally defeats the purpose of efficiency. I highly doubt I can finish the shit on Saturday but I'm not gonna make it 2 days in a row...stillhavemycurrentteaminchargeshit to worry about.

I don't really want to care anymore. I'm breaking. Into pieces.

My cab got into an accident today. My 2nd cab accident to date..the reckless driver rammed into a motorbike and caused the mac delivery driver to be flung off where he looked to be in so much pain, it was impossible to get up (hope his injuries weren't too serious). The impact was on my side, happened so fast, my associate and I didn't know how to react. The crazy driver almost wanted to beat the red light by braking abruptly amidst honks from containter trucks and buses. Can you imagine if it had been a container truck ramming into my side? Death would be a faster solution to all my misery. I shouldn't joke about shit like this, but I'm not really in a joking mood.

Alright, time for bed.

I need to quit.

let time fly please

Took a grand total of 5 taxi rides today, I think the most I ever took in a day.

From home to the depths of Jurong.
From depths of Jurong to Raffles
From Raffles to Suntec
From Suntec back to Raffles
From Raffles to home

I have a bad ulcer now, due to lack of sleep/stress etc...life still sucks. It will continue to till I say goodbye to this job which is sapping my personal life and all other things for that matters.

I'm not exactly staying for the bonus. I'm still stuck cos there is nothing out there that catches my fancy.

But one good thing that came out from the overwhelming Suntec engagement was that there's actually a cute guy in the office. ;) Yeah, but unfortunately today marks the last day that I'll ever see him.

life stinksss

My life stinks.

I'm so tired, I could just collapse and die (In fact dying seems like a better prospect). This week was the longest week ever despite starting on the new job only on Tuesday. The actual team-in-charge is flying to China for another job for THREE WHOLE WEEKS which effectively means that the shit is now my baby.

It's not exactly a straight forward job and it's fucking tedious. Throughout the last 4 days, I refused to bring work home to do and attempted to do whatever I can on site. Reason being, I probably can't claim much OT and now I seriously don't see the point of killing myself over work. However, come weekend, I still brought back quite a fair bit of shit to clear...yes, contrary to what I declared earlier. I'm on the verge of snapping...I don't know how long more I can take this. My fatigue is killing me. I'm sick and tired of all these...there is absolutely no so-called me time and there is not a single weekend that I don't have to worry/think about work. I really hate this kinda of life

...oh well, one thing's for sure, this should be the last financial peak for me. And that is something worth looking forward to. Even if I don't know what the future holds.

3 wishes

Am I supposed to have 3 wishes or what?

Suddenly am at a loss at what to wish for cos wishes never come true.

Hm, yeah I wish no..I just hope for a peaceful year ahead. Am Jinxed enough.

SICK

My immune system is really crap. After barely recovering from a cough+sore throat, I'm down with a cold now. Brilliant. And cold usually comes in a package, complete with body aches, fever and yes, the cough has made its return again.

My health has been spiralling downwards ever since late November. Was down with cold den and was (thankfully) fine and well for most of December before the flu bug hit again just before my Taipei trip. I thought I recovered in time before my trip but the flu bug returned on my 2nd night in Taipei possibly due to the sudden change in temperature. I was basically surviving on the flu panadols in Taipei while having a whooping cough at the same time.

Back home, recovered but I lost my voice after the Jay Chou concert. I didn't think it was anything to do with the concert (despite the screams+cheers but it probably contributed a little) but the chocolate fondue that followed after the concert did me in. So I lost my voice and the bad cough returned. It was a wonder that I managed to communicate with my client still. Went to see the doc and got a variety of medication ranging from antibiotics, lozenges, fever, runny nose tablets, voice+phlegm tablets to cough syrup. The cough faded after a week, I'm sorta getting my voice back and on Saturday (yesterday), I got hit by the flu bug again!!! There you have it, I don't think I'm ever getting well.

Totally moodless for CNY.

What I wish for is just plenty of sleep and rest.

My health stinks and work stinks as well (as always).