depressed

My first bout of depression after so long....or rather the second one of the year. I remembered I was pretty depressed immediately after returning from Taipei that made me wanna call it quits. Well this second round of depression ain't any far off from the first. In fact, they are related.

I hate solo jobs.

I rather there's one more person on it besides me so that I won't just totally sink and drown alone. And the feeling really suck, especially if your client took leave, TB wasn't ready when the client returns and when the TB is finally ready, the beginning retained earnings DON'T TIE but the client has already gone back home. All these in the space of 2 days and I only have 3 fucking days to complete the audit PLUS the bloody financial statements. Not to mention there is TAX involved, something I have forgotten/never attempted and no one around to guide. I am at a loss really and behaving like a complete zombie for the whole of today. I am feeling so goddamn helpless to the point that I am stoning and staring off into thin air if I am left on my own. I know full well there is no way I can finish, I don't know what to do about it....I just want to die.

That is precisely why I am very sure I can't survive as a senior. Too much responsibilities involved with too many bosses and jobs to answer to.

The above encompasses much of my misery and the second bit is related to what I mentioned in the first para. My counselling manager has quit. No one's gonna be around to ensure that the shit will be removed from my schedule. On the contrary, pure brat managed to pull it off. That job has totally vanished from her schedule and replaced with banks and funds. Well, maybe the top favors pure breds and listen to their requests. And midstreamers are merely people they think they can cajole and con easily?

I am going to die on Monday.