Perusing back a few of my angst-filled past entries and looking back at my past life, I am indeed living a dream now. A dream that is funded by my fast dwindling bank account and can only be maintained if I continue to pass my language course. Which I am no longer confident that I can....
Maybe I am getting old. My memory is failing me.
I can't remember things as well as I used to.
My less than satisfactory grade in the last semester kinda destroyed whatever last ounce of confidence I have. I hate to turn my interest into stress cos it will 100% screw things up and it did.
Maybe I fangirl too much here. Shrugs. People can do it and still do well but apparently not me. I am sooo glad my blog is still alive for me to rant...I can't do it anymore at twitter. twitter is no longer a place where I keep updated of blogshops and current affairs. /dry laughs.
I have to go back to my (unemployed) real life soon. But I have made ridiculous and expensive back-up plans (in the event I do screw up) to retake and hopefully coincide with the comeback. Assuming it happens. OMG what the hell am I doing?
Why is it that people can look ahead and know they can sail on to the next level and what I see is only darkness and uncertainty? And of cos it's damn expensive to maintain this bubble of a dream.
When I was really still a student in my school days, I self doubt myself all the time. But this time, I know there is a chance that I really might not make it.
Why is my interest killing me now? :(
I am already trying my darnest to chill this semester.
Maybe if I pray hard enough. I can get pass this level.
FML. once again divine intervention needed.
what the fuck am I trying to hold on to?
Maybe I am getting old. My memory is failing me.
I can't remember things as well as I used to.
My less than satisfactory grade in the last semester kinda destroyed whatever last ounce of confidence I have. I hate to turn my interest into stress cos it will 100% screw things up and it did.
Maybe I fangirl too much here. Shrugs. People can do it and still do well but apparently not me. I am sooo glad my blog is still alive for me to rant...I can't do it anymore at twitter. twitter is no longer a place where I keep updated of blogshops and current affairs. /dry laughs.
I have to go back to my (unemployed) real life soon. But I have made ridiculous and expensive back-up plans (in the event I do screw up) to retake and hopefully coincide with the comeback. Assuming it happens. OMG what the hell am I doing?
Why is it that people can look ahead and know they can sail on to the next level and what I see is only darkness and uncertainty? And of cos it's damn expensive to maintain this bubble of a dream.
When I was really still a student in my school days, I self doubt myself all the time. But this time, I know there is a chance that I really might not make it.
Why is my interest killing me now? :(
I am already trying my darnest to chill this semester.
Maybe if I pray hard enough. I can get pass this level.
FML. once again divine intervention needed.
what the fuck am I trying to hold on to?
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