artificially charged

A bloody prank call woke me up at 4 bleeding am this morning. I had barely slept for two hours after tossing and turning, first day jitters always make me an insomniac. Then that prankster rang my place, caused me to jerk awake and I just laid there awake till it was time to get my ass off the bed. Arghhhh so I was artificially charged for the whole day.

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I don't know what to expect. In fact I have no expectations at all, I just want to zou yi bu kan yi bu.

Come what may.

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Where on earth is my christmassy mood?

glitter lust

Check this out. A diamond studded camera that costs $50,000 and I assume it's in US dollars. I can find fake diamontes and stick them on my camera too. Isn't that the same thing? Haha. Anyway I don't have such free time to doll up my gadgets.

The DnD of the previous night seemed fun from the photos. Noticed a few party crashers. Made me kinda regret not crashing in as well but then again I have no outfit. Lately I have been dreaming of black stockings with killer red heels though. That would make quite a statement. Well, anyway, stop dreaming. No DnDs for me this in 2006.

random thoughts

It must have taken me 20 minutes to log in successfully to blogger. Grrr.

It is rather scary that days can fly by when one is not doing anything. In fact it seems to fly faster. Ironically. Isn't it supposed to be the other way round? To fly when one is slogging? But not when one is doing something one loathes, the days somehow slow to a crawl. So as to savour the act of torturing.

Alright, enough of the nonsense. I am going to miss working my schedule around the TV but then there's always youtube. Just pray it doesn't stream 5 minutes then die. Or bitcomet but that takes ages.

I need a haircut.

I need a bigger bag.

I need a longer break.

And I hate it when people don't understand and still derive pleasure out of it. Okay maybe pleasure is not the right word. Somehow I don't see why you have the right to get mad when you don't even know the reasons. Or allow me to explain. Damn, I don't even feel I owe you an explanation. Fine, so be it.

red is IN

I like fiery red shoes lately and I got myself a pair of red heels today. Goody cept it doesn't seem very sensible to wear red to work. Or will it become purely ornamental and start gathering dust at home cos I would rather wear slippers/birks for shopping? My first love was actually this pair of maroon patent shoes from Aldo but alas I couldn't bring myself to bring them home due to the hefty $129 pricetag. And just when I can obtain a miserable 10% discount, they no longer had my size. Sigh. What does this mean? To wait or not to wait....

Anyway I saw Chen Hanwei at paragon today. I recognized his voice first before I saw the person. Out of the corner of my eye, this lanky dude was saying bye to this other lady (with a kids trolley I think) and I thought the voice sounded familiar. Then I did a double take for a closer look. And yeah it was the man himself, looks exactly the same as the just-concluded 9pm show (lang man man wu). I think he knew I was looking (me being kaypo). He seems pretty nice though to specially gesture and allow this family with kids to enter the lift first before he did.

Wahahaha this is really bad but I am lusting for bags again. Uh oh...oh..no....

bad girl

The stupid blogger keeps prompting me to upgrade but it is not helping me on it. Sure I have a gmail account but what is the next step? I see no button to click to advance to the next stage of upgrading and pressing 'Enter' on the keyboard doesn't help either. So to hell with it, I don't need to be upgraded. I am perfectly fine with adding entries the way it was in the past.

Anyway I have been a bad, bad girl last week and will continue to be bad (hopefully) for one last time come Monday. I am suffering the consequences for being bad in terms of monetary outflows. Sigh.

It will soon be over, yah.

enduree

I am going to have to master the art of endurance for the next five days. But I am really quite pessimistic, demoralized and so forth possibly due to the hard knock to my confidence a few weeks ago.

I doubt I can finish my stuff but no way am I going to stay late and put in the extra hours (when they are no longer claimable).

My stay is too brief to show any form of goodwill.

old skeletons in the closet

I dug out a story I posted online 3 years ago. The website had deactivated my account and well I re-activated it. And my story was still there, all twelve chapters. It was an unfinished business as in the story was never completed. I enjoyed writing short stories during my secondary school days. Couldn't really indulge in this in junior college due to the heavier workload but this particular unfinished tale was done in year 2003 when I was in uni already.....because I wanted to archive certain events that happened in real life into the story, as a form of remembrance. I can't remember why I never got around to finish it but probably cos no time lah.

Skimming through it now brings back a flood of memories. Things I haven't exactly forgotten but have put it behind me.

Now I am truly feeling nostalgic.

when fever strikes

Dang.

I came down with some viral infection in the wee hours of this morning, thinking it was nothing I went down to client's place and soon I was experiencing sharp pains in my tummy and my legs were all wobbly and stuff. Silly client had a four storey building without lifts and it was quite a torture climbing up and down. My head was getting increasingly heavy and body getting weaker by the minute, I decided to take half a day of mc. I suppose the senior won't be too pleased especially since the doc gave me another day off cos......I didn't even know I was running a 38.3 degrees fever. Doc asked if I had fever, I said no. He didn't believe and stuck the thermometer tingy in my ear and exclaimed at the high reading. Okay fine..I was all gooey but didn't know I was burning inside.

Sigh just wish for the next 2 weeks to fly past. And why is it that after one week of being unassigned, I had to fall sick on the second day of work. It is a case of immune system not knowing how to react.

I haven't had fever since the longest of time. Or maybe I never realised it.

bahhh

I saw my JC crush today, him being my first serious crush...and sometimes I would wonder to myself if I'll ever see him again. As luck would have it (after so many years), I think he works in the office tower beside my current workplace (which is the second tower with the same name). I was on job today and decided to go earlier. As I was dragging my feet to work, I saw this familiar figure wearing checked pink shirt, no-nonsense pants and a pair of well polished shoes in front of me. He would have blended into the corporate crowd if not for that sorta dusty black eastpak he had slung over one shoulder and THAT characteristic way he walks. Dammit...I don't know how to describe...I badly wanted to overtake him and take a closer look. Ended up almost following him into the (wrong) lobby. It would have been damn embarassing if I were to be stopped by the security (for not having the right ID pass), ha.

Unfortunately I am leaving the second tower...but at least now I have a very good idea which company he could be working for. Of course there are zillions of tenants in that buildings but I am having a very good guess now. It is just too bad I'm leavingggg......It is good to see him though. :)

self-denial

Was in self-denying mode for the past four days. I would call it the extended weekend where I did absolutely nothing but engaged in brainless whackings.

So my long weekend is over and gee, it's Monday again. I have no idea what's in store....to continue to self-deny or to make that one-time decision that will spell a shock move and change alot of things dramatically.

In a way, I got what I wanted.

square one

Fate is really cruel.

After 3 months, I am back to square one? Back to where I originally wanted things to be. Take note of the past tense because I no longer feel like wanting it this way anymore. Perhaps if things have gone my way 3 months ago.....okay I don't know how to continue with this statement as I hate what-if scenarios now. Cos nothing ever turns out right. I feel jinxed.

It is ridiculous.

double shit

Shit job + Shit senior = Double Shit

Well I wasn't directly under her as in I wasn't in her team. Then my senior released me to assist her as there was not much to be done for my entity and my 2 seniors were clearing high level points. Turns out to be a complete nightmare. I expected it....seeing how the shit senior drove a year one assistant to tears. And she can happily admit that she knows people don't enjoy working under her. Argh, whatever it is, nothing pleases the shit senior. Her expectations are sky high and her sarcasm drips all over the place. Demanding, unreasonable, vague instructions....perfect combi for disaster to strike. Which happened on my last day on the job and just when I was about to pack my stuff and leave....the shit senior turned vile on me. Now I just want to forget the whole incident, forget her condescending look......

Finally I can be back to civilization tomorrow.

the brightest vs the less abled

I don't usually get worked up over newspaper reports and neither do I feel incensed to the point of blogging about it and possibly get into trouble.

But with all due respect, I am not going to list exactly which report I am referring to. But my basic points are, I am not disagreeing on the part about differentiating pay packages for the academically inclined (as with the case in public sectors). However, pay increments subsequently should still be based on performance as grades can be the starting point but should not determine anything thereafter. What I am ruffled with is the statement '..where the brightest ______ work in other sectors and are, in turn, ______ by their less able counterparts." I was like HELLO, not getting first class honours doesn't deem the person any less able. Okay there is a word 'may' before this statement but it still doesn't make things sound better if you know what I mean.

Talent drain in this particular industry may not only be attributed to the starting pay question. There are things to look into besides that (which I am not going to go into)....anyway there are quite a handful of first class hons peeps slogging away in this particular profession (despite the one pay fits all thingy) and they are doing fine (well some are). And my friend just made a very good point and reversed the above statement, " the brightest ______ may not always be the brightest and at times, their mess has to be sorted out by their less able counterparts." Which I totally agree.

finality

It will take a major asteroid crash to change my mind. Yes, probably the size of the same one thought to have wiped out the dinosaurs 65 million years ago and left a 180 kilometre crater in the Yucatan peninsula in Mexico.

Sorry but no details this time round.

I just need an outlet to fume.

It is over the slightest of things that became mission impossible and made me wanna throw in the towel. And I had enough of everything. My limit has been reached and I am taking this no more.

Wanted to whine in the book diary about this but I'm simply too lazy to pick up a pen.

i hate extraordinary surprises

Urgh. Just one more day to the weekend and client has to pass this extraordinary adjustment that would require more work. #$@

I have to rush to blockkkk my schedule before new jobs start popping up. This 2 week thing has already taken its toil and there are 2 weeks more to go!

dammit

My time sheet/expense claims just got REJECTED. For god knows what reason for I only saw the rejection via email and I obviously have no time to go back office to find out what's wrong. If I can't claim those miserable expenses in exchange for all my stress/emotional torture, I am going to faint.

This is so pissing for my mood has turned for the better in the evening for it to be down in the doldrums again.

on autopilot once more

I have been in a trance-like state for most part of last week and of course, Monday as well. It was no honeymoon as after the first week of induction/training, I was thrown full scale into the firm's biggest job which I rather not do, thank you. It would be nice to try it out first on an at least moderate sized job....just to get the feel of things. Unfortunately I have no such luxury and I don't think there is any learning curve here. It is either you know or you don't and just feel dumb. I feel as if I am on auto-pilot once more...this same feeling I had about a couple of months ago when I was doing that six month thingy in the previous firm. Going on auto-pilot blocks out the stress temporarily but the shock is acute when things screw up. Like they always do while I frantically dug through my CYAs to provide an answer to the senior.

I like to think that I am a liability to the team being new and all and having not done an entity of this size before. The grass is not always greener on the other side and I never felt that it'll be any greener here. The basic welfare is there alrite with the generous claimings and stuff but the stress and feeling of inept, I guess this happens everywhere as it is job specific. Am I lucky or just plain unlucky? Impressive portfolio? Nah..not when one is stuck on the same shit for the whole year.

hazy

What I hope for....a nice heavy downpour that would wash the stench and haze away. A nice heavy downpour that would keep me snug and warm in bed till late Sunday morning. However, despite the less than pleasing reality, what with the haze and humidity and it doesn't look like it is going to pour, I am still holding on to my precious weekend moments for I am a wuss and I am not looking forward to Monday. Sigh.

e-based learning is sucky

I never knew doing e-based learning could be such a chore. For it used to be a leisure pastime when one is unassigned. Now I am rushing to complete 8 (total: 10) different e-based quizzes with questions that are reshuffled and new ones popped up whenever a 2nd/3rd/4th and so forth attempt is initiated. So it is pointless to try to obtain model answers nor try to seek assistance from fellow colleague as no one knows which answers are right unless one aced it and seen most of the variations.

Anyway I am proud to announce. After much struggling and using up most of my personal time I have cleared all six modules of an irritating core material and am now left with two irritating little quizzes that I shall get it done and over with tomorrow so that I can go meet up with my beloved ex-colleagues. I realise how much I miss them! In fact I even miss my previous firm...bah! I can't believe these words are coming out of my mouth.

I wonder why I took back my laptop today when I ain't even got the energy now to attempt anything inside.

Rounding up

A glimpse into some of things that happened during the last two weeks.



Farewell dinner at japanese restaurant.



Official last (half) day in office.



One week later, I decided to pay a visit to my college at its new campus.



The canteen. Somehow it reminds me of NTU's canteen B.



The academic blocks look secondary school-ish. It now goes by alphabets.



The tennis courts on the third level.



On the other side of the river is the secondary school.



Last but not least, two of my lovely literature teachers.

So there it is, revisiting two closed chapters of my life. I don't usually do this, in fact never, about posting pictures up on the blog. Due to a horrific experience some years ago (and I never want to bring it up ever again), I ditched blogging for a while and even when I resumed, I choose to be fiercely private. As it is, very few people knew about this blog and I would like to maintain it this way so I can be open with my thoughts. Of course I have no control over the flow of internet traffic but I hate to abandon writing just cos of this. Haa..well partly due to the electronic age, I have increasingly grown lazy about updating in my book diary.

And dammit, the month of September is truly over.